


The Nobodies

by friendzonestrikesagain



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Abuse, All girls school, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biadore, Bullying, Chains, Chaptered weirdly, Drag Queens, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Lesbian AU, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Original Character(s), POV Lesbian Character, Possibly Triggering, School Uniforms, Torture, Triggers, religious homophobia, short Adore, sorry if it sucks, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-24 14:12:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16176710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendzonestrikesagain/pseuds/friendzonestrikesagain
Summary: We follow Trixie Mattel as she is shipped off to a religious boarding school in the middle of no where. She meets new people, makes new friends and enjoys the scenery. But there is more to Shepherds Hill Academy then meets the eye, and Trixie is about to be caught up in all of it.Okay so this is my first time writing fanfiction, and I really hope you guys enjoy it. It's probably going to be shit, have too many commas and follow a similar story line to every other 'religious boarding school' plot ever BUT I've had fun writing it and hope you guys enjoy reading it! Originally I wrote this on docs, so the formatting might be really weird and chapters will never be the same length. Sorry bout it. Please don't transfer my writing or copy it anywhere, cause I've put heaps of effort in and that'd be super disrespectful.Anyways this could be super triggering for some people so don't read if it makes you uncomfortable or if reading it upsets you xx





	The Nobodies

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE DELETED ALL CHAPTERS AND THIS IS ALL I HAVE WRITTEN SO FAR. WILL HOPEFULLY WRITE MORE SOON. 
> 
> So I have a google slide that I put like notes on and stuff so I thought I'd link it in here so you can see what the school layout, characters and everything look like in my head.
> 
> https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1XhG9eBZ9eh-krznaD_WQOLPHcquVBTONvuxjgzoBx9A/edit?usp=sharing
> 
> I'd super appreciate it if you leave a comment on what you want to see more of, any tips, and thoughts ect and it'd be awesome for you to leave kudos if you like it xx
> 
> ENJOY

Day One

Sunlight filtered through the window, bathing Trixie’s lap in sunlight as she nervously strokes the yellow fabric of her overall skirt dress. She had decided against wearing her usual pink today (though it had been hard to find something that wasn’t), wanting to do something different on her first day at a new school. She was seriously rethinking that idea now though, anxiety twisting itself into a knot in her throat. At least her makeup was flawless, after years of perfecting it. 

Switching her attention away from herself, she looks out the window. Dark green trees contrast violently with the blue sea above them. The landscape rushes past them as they drive on, this particular road seeming to last for miles and miles and miles.

“Nearly there now!”   
Trixie’s mother chirps from the front seat as they pass a ‘SHEPHERD’S HILL ACADEMY’ sign, and the knot of fear in her throat tightens. It wasn’t that she isn’t looking forward to a new school, she is really, but the fear is all the same. Oh well, it’s not like she had many friends at her old school anyway, and it’d be nice to get away from the house, away from him. But then again, that's the reason she’s being sent to a Christian Boarding School in the middle of nowhere. Because he wants her out of the house.

Trixie’s stepfather is a piece of shit, literally. He’s a weak man, one that has to crush a women and child in order to feel strong. He’s always hated Trixie, for no more reason then she wasn’t his own- even though he came into the family after her. After her dad died… He wants Trixie out of the house, and as hesitant as she is to leave her mother alone with him, she cannot help but also feel grateful for the easy escape. After her brother had moved out it became so much worse, the names more venomous, the vodka stronger, the violence daily. Honestly, Trixie didn’t know how much more she could of took.

Her mother probably thought that this was best for Trixie, probably had the best intentions in her heart. She just wanted Trixie to have a religious schooling where she could also board, and it was definitely a well respected and wealthy school. Trixie’s only getting in through a music scholarship that she got last year as a sophomore. She’d worked so hard to get it and would much rather it go towards college or really good future music tutoring. 

But Trixie’s mom devotedly believes in God, Heaven and Hell, sinners and saints, all that shit and insists that Trixie has a religious schooling (Trixie’s old school just became secular, hence the move). Even if Trixie doesn’t believe in any of it. Even if Trixie feared the biased and bigoted close mindedness of catholicism. 

Urgh it is terribly nerve wracking to be moved into a isolated religious education facility with a bunch of girls that Trixie had never met. She can feel her hands shaking in her lap. Hopefully she makes some friends… 

The car begins to shudder slightly, jerking Trixie left and right, frizzing up her hair as they vear off road and onto a gravel driveway. That in itself took a whole nother ten minutes. It was weirdly long driveway, but Trixie found herself counting it as a blessing, taking every second of refugee in the car to compose herself before the surely chaotic day ahead of her. 

The car grinds to a halt outside a large white building, a dark wooden cross planted firmly in the middle. Almost immediately, a short busty women in a black tailored suit with a pencil skirt to her knees, bursts through the double wooden doors, and makes her way over to them, her mouth a thin line.

Forcing herself to breath, Trixie steps out of the car pulling her bags out behind her. The women sticks her hand forth quickly and once her mother had shook it, the hand went right back to rest below her clipboard.

“Ms Fisher-Price, Miss Mattel. Welcome.”  
Her voice was almost monotone, her words having to squeeze through tightly pressed lips. In one swift motion the women had her back towards them and was walking away. Trixie and her mother, with furrowed eyebrows, follow. 

“I’m Ms Visage, and I am the vice principal here at Shephard's Hill.” 

She didn’t look back at them, continuing through the office.  
“Miss Mattel can start her classes tomorrow, and have today to adjust.”   
They were being led into a painted white room, decorated with brown leather chairs, high bookcases the same colour as the desk that stood in the middle of the room. 

“Don’t take a seat, there's no need. Miss Mattel will be boarding in the B wing, as there are unfortunately no more open spaces in the larger and newer A wing. But we will move Miss Mattel to the A wing as soon as there is a opening, I promise.”  
That's… weird? Why would there be two different boarding wings, one more rundown then the other?  
“I can take you to your dorm right now. Is this all your luggage? Great. Need time for goodbyes? Fine, I’ll be back in five.”   
She didn’t wait for any of their replies, nodding to herself and leaving the room.

“O-oh. Okay. Well I’m sure you’ll have a lovely year darling, and I’ll see you again in the holidays. You’re gonna make heaps of friends Trixie!”  
“Yeah… Okay, okay. I-I will, hopefully. I love you too mom, so much, please please be safe, without me or Brian there, it’ll just be you home alone with him and-” 

The door burst open and Ms Visage walked in, interrupting Trixie mid sentence. They spun around to face the women, who cleared her throat pointedly, looking down at her watch. Time to go.  
Trixie throws herself into her mother's arms, holding her tightly, hoping that she understood how much Trixie wanted her to stay safe. 

Probably not.

They walked through corridors and a large open room, but Trixie got no time to process it, carrying her two heavy bags after the fast paced Ms Visage.  
“This is your dorm room, B4. Your roommate is Katya. Don’t worry, she’s quiet, but if you ever have issues with her, or if she ever… makes you uncomfortable, come to me, I’ll sort it out right away.”   
“Thanks? Um, uh I will do.”  
“I’ll send someone round soon to take you to lunch. Make yourself home until then.” 

Just before she leaves, she turns to Trixie with a frown, looking her up and down. “Uniform is compulsory every day except weekends. You can get today out of uniform, but tomorrow is no exception.” 

With that she was gone, leaving Trixie in front of the brown wooden door, wringing her hands. Letting a breath through her pursed lips, she grabs the handle and swings the door open, a blast of cold air hitting her.

The room was plain. Boring.   
It was a small and rectangular, with a window by the corner where the furthest and the right wall met, exactly opposite the door in which Trixie stood. There were two beds, one on the wall with the window, one parallel from it just a meter from the doorway, meaning walking through them to get to the other side of the room would be a tight squeeze. Next to each bed was a set of drawers and a bookcase. On the left wall was a long table that was barely standing with two thin wooden chairs, which Trixie assumed was meant as a study desk for two. There were no decorations and it would be impossible to tell that someone lived in there if not for the messy bed by the window and the weirdly large amount of spare socks on the floor. No sunlight lit the room, leaving it feeling empty, cold and almost… damp?

Sighing, Trixie walked into B4 and began to unpack.

It was an hour of boredom later when a gentle knock caught Trixie’s attention. The door peaked open, and a girl with black hair and thin eyebrows raised in an almost surprised expression glances around the room. Spotting Trixie, her face lights up in a smile. She was a short and plump girl, her black hair heavy and resting on her shoulders. She wore the school uniform, a white blouse and black blazer, with a high waisted short pleated black skirt, paired with knee high white socks and thin black flats. It was B to the O to the R to the ING, but the girl was quite pretty so she managed to pull it off.

“Oh! Hello! I’m Dela, you must be Trixie, right?”  
Trixie patted down her long, wavy hair in a nervous gesture before hesitantly returning the smile and nodding shyly. Noticing her delayed reaction, the girl begins to speak with a wink and Trixie quickly finds herself liking the girl already, as she seems silly and nice.  
“There's no need to be nervous, I promise I don’t bite! Arh, alrighty Miss Chatty! Let’s go get some lunch.”

Dela led Trixie from the room and down the corridor to the left. They went through a small wooden archway that she vaguely remembers from before and into the cafeteria. 

The dark wood rose and spiralled upwards along the ivory walls, beautiful carvings of saints decorating the walls. Painted glass windows depict Mary’s trip to Jerusalem and the birth of Jesus Christ. The ceiling curved into a glass dome, and sunlight streamed onto the billions of circular tables below. Dela immediately made for the one closest to the archway they came through. 

She sits down, beckoning Trixie over. 

“The bell for lunch hasn’t actually gone yet, but I had a free period and wouldn’t want to be cooped up in the dorms if I were you. All the other girls should be here soon. Do you want a rundown of the school or something while it’s actually quiet in here?”

“Y-yeah, sure. Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just get nervous sometimes and I-I-”   
“Hey, no it’s fine! My friend Katya is like that, she gets worried and nervous sometimes too.”  
Curiosity took priority over her nervous stutter,   
“Katya? She’s my roomate. You’re friends?”   
“Yeah! Well we talk sometimes and she’s really funny. Actually she sits with us occasionally, but she’s definitely a Nobody. You’ll get along fine, I betcha. She’s in the friend group, just tends to come in once everyone else has cleared out- she’s quiet that way.”  
Dela smiles widely at her, before nodding at the table.   
“We sit here everyday, closests to the dorms incase- uh, well we like this table! There’s quite a few of us! We were called the Nobodies by some other girls trying to be mean but it actually stuck and that's what we call the friend group now! I guess it’s a bit dorky but I think it’s kinda cute!. Anyways there’s me, Katya, Courtney, Willam, Pearl, Violet, Bianca, Adore, Alaska, Sharon and now of course, you too!”

Waves of hope and worry wash over Trixie’s body. Had she really done it, on the first day, made a group of friends? Dela seems to of accepted her, but then again, what if the others aren’t as nice as Dela? What if it’s like Trixie’s first year of high school all over again, thinking she’s made a really good friend for them to just laugh at her when she falls over on the slippery grass, coating herself in mud and pollon eventually meaning that she can’t show her face in the cafeteria without being yelled at or catcalled, leaving her to eat in one of the toilet stalls and-  
Okay. So that probably won’t happen.   
But still, something might go wrong.

“Want a run down of life in Shepard’s Hill?”  
Trixie nods violently, hair falling in her face. Anything to distract from her inner turmoil. Dela sucks in a air, her cheeks puffing up, and in one breath she squeezes out  
“Righty. Well breakfast is at seven, classes from nine to three thirty, lunch starts at twelve and ends at one thirty, so we have five one hour classes a day, expect for Fridays. We get free time before and after tea, which is served up at six and you can leave whenever. Curfew is nine, lights out ten, but on weekends its ten, lights out eleven. Before curfew you can hangout in the common room with all the other girls, theres games, heaps of couches, a tv, vending machines… well that’s in Common Room A… B only really has couches, but I’m sure you’re allowed in A, don’t worry.”

Finally inhaling again, she flashes a smile to Trixie, whose head is reeling from the large amount of information to intake. 

“But that's the boring stuff!” She says.  
“Actually living here is a bit different. If you somehow missed it, it’s ultra religious here. You can’t say a word that isn’t catholic and holy, or else it’s off to detention with you. I mean that by the way. It can be super strict here, you say a word out of line or when you haven’t been specifically asked, and they take personal offence. Nearly every girl here learned that the hard way.”

Dela taps her chin, shifting in her seat.  
“What else… Oh! There is absolutely zero contact with anyone outside of Shepard’s Hills walls, it's like, literally forbidden. You can’t even see or even talk to your parents until they pick you up for the holidays!” 

Twisting her mouth the girl mutters, barely loud enough for Trixie to hear  
“Well, that's if you are allowed to go home…”  
She visibly shakes herself, and brushing past her previous comment, Dela continues, ignoring the brief shriek of the school bell.

“But there’s heaps of good stuff too! Like we don’t have a first period on Fridays so we get to sleep in! There’s also a lot of cool clubs that you can join, like art, drama, poetry and even an anime club but that's just kinda sad. Oh! Every second Friday we get pudding!” 

Once more, her volume and tone drop, and sadly states “Most girls.”

Finally finding her courage, Trixie tilts her head at the girl sitting beside her, and asks “What do you mean ‘most girls’?”

Dela becomes flustered and begins to stutter but the clearing of a throat behind her interrupts. A tall Hispanic girl stands behind Dela, and Trixie’s eyes are immediately drawn to her, her presence screaming for attention. Her coffee brown hair is drawn into a tight bun, hands on her hips and large lips pursed as she looks down at Dela and Trixie.

“Found another voiceless airhead to talk at again, have ya Dela?”  
The girl says in a rather gravely voice, one pointed eyebrow raised.

“Ah! Bianca this is Trixie! She’s new here.”  
“Really? I’d have never of guessed.”  
“This is my friend Bianca, she acts tough but she’s actually a sweetheart.”  
“Hmm, friends? Dela you’re a naive small-minded gossip spawn of a syphilitic swamp rat who has delusions of adequacy that you will never fulfill…”   
She pauses, seemingly thinking it over, before giving an overdramatic exasperated sigh “But sure, I guess we’re friends.”  
She finishes her speech with a dazzling, white toothed smile, setting her tray down on the opposite side of the table to Trixie and Dela. She points out that the bell has gone and Trixie better be ready to remember a lot of new names. Almost the second after the words leave her (pristine) mouth hundreds of girls stream into the space, making beelines for tables before lining up for food. 

Girls come and sit around the table, and Dela introduces Trixie to each one.  
First was Willam and Courtney, two blonde girls who, after briefly saying hello to Trixie, whispered to each other and frequently burst into fits of snort-laughter, causing Trixie to fear they were talking about her.  
A girl who would tower over even Bianca, sets herself nexts to Trixie. Her hair is almost white, piled on top of her head. She immediately introduced herself as Alaska, asking Trixie all sorts of questions, merely seconds after learning Trixie’s name. Her friendliness gave Trixie a boost of confidence, and she answers each of Alaska’s weird questions with enthusiasm.  
Next came Pearl and Violet, the first of which smiled shyly at Trixie, and the latter who barely glances in her direction. They sit together, talking in hushed voices to each other like the other girls weren't even there.

Now totally relaxed but still mentally categorising the names into her head, Trixie tries to tie each name to a face.  
Bianca; big hair, Hispanic, large smile, dimples.  
Willam; blonde, cheekbones, somehow has cleavage in a school uniform.   
Courtney; also blonde, australian accent, beautiful with no visible makeup.  
Alaska; tall, pout, nails, friendly, poses even when just eating (as she is now).  
Pearl; soft spoken, wavy blonde, resting bitch face.  
Violet; impossibly thin, long velvet black ponytail, beauty marks.

Suddenly a slam! interrupts Trixie’s train of thought, as a tray is violently put down across the table from where Trixie sits. Food very nearly goes flying, and milk is spilt on the table. Complaints of milk splattered girls ring out as Trixie looks up into the unfocused eyes of a rather tiny girl. Her dark brown roots contrast with the rest of her light blonde hair, making her thick eyebrows appear darker. Soft lips are curled in a ‘o’ as she gazes at Trixie, looking confused. 

Tan hands ease the girl down onto the rounded table bench, wiping milk from her cheek. Trixie finds herself unable to look away from her eyes, that have a unfocused look, as though they were made of glass.   
That is until Trixie doesn’t have a choice, her eyes sliding from Trixie to who she was sitting next to, Bianca smoothing down the girls wrinkled uniform. 

“Calling you an idiot right now would be an insult to all the stupid people. Got overly excited there Adore?” Bianca (attempts to) spit, but her voice holds no malice, and the hand still floating up and down the girls arm leaves her comment lacking venom. A pointed look from Dela halts the movements immediately, leaving Trixie confused as to what the look meant. 

The girl, Adore, looks at Trixie again and begins speaks in a slow voice, like she’s two seconds behind everyone else.  
“Who’re you?”  
“Oh, I’m Trixie Mattel. Nice to meet you.”   
“I’m Adore! Hey you’re like, really pretty.”  
“Thank you! I love your hair.”  
“That’s nice, Bianca isn’t she just nice?”  
“Mmhmm.”

Trixie watches as Bianca tries to glare down at Adore, but obvious affection flows from her towards the other girl like a radiator. Adore had shifted in the second that Trixie had looked away, and now practically sat in Bianca’s lap, her head resting on the taller girls shoulder. Adore must of been purposely ignoring Dela’s pointed looks, as it would be impossible not to see them. 

Trixie doesn’t even notice one last girl standing by the bench, next to Alaska, until both Adore and Bianca look towards the new arrival.   
The second Trixie turns towards her though, her presence is undeniable, the reek of cigarettes surrounding them. This girl was taller than even Alaska, rustled hair falling past her shoulders, framing her pale face. She had a mischievous glint in her eye as she looks upon Trixie.

“I’m gone for five minutes and you’ve already replaced me, huh? Wouldn’t be surprised ‘laska, you are a bit of a whore.”

Trixie does a double take at the cold calmness of her voice. There was no emotion in her statement, no echoes of laughter tickling her speech. Did this girl really think that they were trying to replace her? Between Trixie’s light pink eyeshadow, a soft dusting of blush and the girls smudged eyeliner, a dark full lip- Trixie couldn’t find a single similarity between themselves.

But the way Alaska’s eyes light up when she hears her voice and exclamation of “Sharon!” makes Trixie even more confused. When Sharon found herself with an armful of Alaska, her eyes dart around the room before softly hugging back and easing Alaska back down. She takes a seat next to her, stealing an apple from Bianca’s tray (earning her a rather nasty glare) and turns to Trixie.  
“New meat aye?”

Honestly Trixie doesn’t even know what that means. When Sharon raised a single brow to her, Trixie purses her lips and leans forward, extending a hand to the girl.

“Trixie Mattel. It’s my first day.”  
“Never would of guessed.”

Trixie finds herself narrowing her eyes at the newest arrival. She seemed closed off, if a little rude. A stark difference to the other girls that she had spoken to today (though admittedly that wasn’t that many).

Alaska sets a well manicured hand onto Trixie’s (rejected) arm, and in exaggerated whispers explains that “Sharon likes to act spooky but actually couldn’t hurt a fly…” After a brief pause Alaska corrects herself “... actually flies are gross so she probably could, but like she couldn’t hurt other stuff, I promise!”

It’s then that the bell bounces around the room again, and watching all of the girls grab their bags and discuss what they have now, the knot of worry from earlier appears once more in Trixie’s throat. Unbearably tight, thoughts race in front of her eyes. What does she do now? How will she find her class? Does she have class? What if- a soft hand grazes her elbow, and Trixie spins around to face its owner.

Courtney.

Up closer she’s even prettier, no makeup on on her face most likely because she doesn’t need it. Her blonde hair looks as if it has been woven from silk, and when she speaks Trixie can’t help but smile at her unusual accent.

“Heya! How bout I show you round?”

Relief immediately floods her body, but damn politeness gets in the way. Trixie tries to keep her genuine smile while she speaks, but it turns it into a halfhearted fake one.

“I-it’s alright, I wouldn’t want to be a burden. But thank you heaps for the offer, that's really nice.”  
“It’s settled then! I have a free period anyway, and plus showing you round school is waaaay better than studying. Let’s go!”

Courtney decides though that she doesn’t want to carry her bag around, and informs that they need to stop by the dorms. Trixie starts for the hallway that she and Dela came from earlier, but the soft red lighting Courtney’s cheeks stps her.   
“I’m actually in the A wing. Sooooo, you’re uh, B wing huh?”  
“Y-yeah, I um, am apparently, well she said that I will be, uh moving to A wing w-when there's room..”  
“Oh! Righto. So like, you’re just here for school?”

They were going through the archway on the left side of the cafeteria, opposite to the one she had gone through to the wallway that led to her dorm, and turned to a nearly identical hall. Confusion flooded Trixie’s mind, causing the furrowing of her eyebrows and oh god she was going to get wrinkles at this rate. 

“What else would I be here for?” She asks, but Courtney was opening her dorm room now. “Oh, nothing nothing. Here’s my dorm room! Me and Willam share.”

If she was trying to get Trixie to drop that line of questioning she had succeeded. A Wing dorms were considerably nicer than B Wing dorms. Sunlight flooded the room, illuminating the room a soft gold. At the deep mahogany desk sat two plush cushioned chairs. A floor length mirror reflected Trixie’s own shocked face back to her. When Courtney dumps her bag by (what Trixie assumes is) her bed, she cannot help but gaze wistfully at the it. It was a big single, and looked so soft. Unlike Trixie’s own dorm with it’s tiny iron cot bed, which was literally made of metal.   
Damn. 

“Alrighty! Let’s go have a look at you’re classes!”

Going through the cafeteria once more, Courtney points out the bathroom and next to that the kitchens. Directly opposite the kitchen entrance (on the other side of the cafeteria) was another, but when asked what it was, Courtney just replied “Class that you won’t have.”

The continued on, past the library that made the hallways meet to the one that had all of the classrooms off of it, pointing it out without going inside. Trixie had classes in rooms 1, 3, 4, 7, 9 and 10.   
“Down the hall is the office and staff room, and of course the teachers quarters. You’re obviously not allowed down there unless you’re in big shit. You’ll be right though, you’re friends with us now!

Courtney smiled at Trixie, and for the first time that day, she was sure that it’d be okay. When Trixie thanks Courtney she waves her off, telling her that it was “obviously fine, like we are friends!” and suggesting that they check out the common rooms.

As they walk Courtney tells Trixie that, although she’s technically in Wing B, she will be getting moved to Wing A, so she’s sure it’ll be fine if Trixie hangs out in Common Room A. She quickly brushes past that though, moving on to ask Trixie about her old school, friends ect.  
They chatted happily all the way to the common room, and Trixie was too busy shaking her head at a dumbass comment from Courtney to even notice that they had walked into the common room.

“Cool, huh?”

Closing her mouth, Trixie nods in agreement, because looking around made her lose all previous thoughts. Trixie didn’t exactly grow up poor, but they did live check to check, and she has definitely never been in as beautiful room as this.

The cream carpet contrasted perfectly with the dark green couches and armchairs. The couches were everywhere, looking oh so inviting. Dark mahogany bookshelves towered over her, upwards to the painted ceiling, a depiction of Mother Mary in deep green robes, a golden halo above her head. Wall lights replaced any overhead, so the image isn’t married.  
Below her gaze is a flat screen tv, hovering above a fireplace, lit already and sending fresh waves of heat towards them. And right next to the door in which they stood were colourful vending machines, full of variety of sweet and savory foods and drinks, nearly ruining the aesthetic of the large room. 

“We, I mean the Nobodies, pretty much always hangout in the other one though. Or just Bianca’s room. Warning it’s uh, not as flash as it is in here.”  
She pauses, and looks at Trixie.  
“Our friend group is called the Nobodies by the way, incase you didn’t know. Sounds weird but you get used to it. It’s actually quite cute!” 

Ignoring her explanation of being called the Nobodies, Trixie begins to think about how it wouldn’t be hard to not be as flash as it was in here, as the room pretty much reeked of money. Anyway, as long as she has good friends, Trixie couldn’t care less where they were.

“We have to go round.”

As they walk down the hallway Courtney elaborates.

“Can’t get into Common Room A through B Wing, can’t get into Common Room B through A Wing. Makes sense, huh?”

As the blonde chuckles to herself, Trixie can’t help but roll her eyes. She was fond of the other already, even if she was funny in no way shape or form. At the end of the corridor they turn left, walk straight through the archway and continue left. Soon enough they were at Common Room B.

When Courtney said that Common Room B was less flash, she hadn’t lied. Common Room B was rather lackluster to really put it kindly.  
The grey carpet was worn and even completely faded in some places, revealing cold concrete below. A couple of couches littered the space, looking displaced and lonely like forgotten goods on the side of the road. Though to be fair, that's probably what they were before here, considering the state of them. A small fireplace was leaking smoke into the room, pooling on the peeling paint roof.   
And that was it, otherwise the room was empty. A few couches, a fireplace and a coffee table.

If Trixie imaged a hobo’s communal area, this would be it.  
Coughing slightly, she turns to a worried looking Courtney. 

“I like it.”  
“You’re just saying that.”  
“Am not! Makes socialising easy, those couches pulled in a circle.”  
“Yeah it does, doesn’t it!”

A smile lit up her face, and Trixie knew she’d made the right choice in complimenting the room rather than insulting it. Walking over to one of the moth eaten and cobwebbed pieces, Cortney flung herself onto a couch. Stifling a yawn the girl mumbles.

“And thus concludes our tour. I’m pretty sure the bell for the end of the day is about to ring, so let’s just stay here. They can come to us.”

Willam was the first to show up, immediately stealing Courtney’s attention away, leaving Trixie awkwardly playing with her skirt until someone else would show.

Bianca comes in next, sitting next to Trixie with a huff.   
“Let’s skip the small talk and sit in silence.” She barks.  
It isn’t long until all the other girls from lunch are streaming into the common room. Immediately upon seeing her, Sharon raises an eyebrow.  
“I thought for sure you’d ditch this shithole for Common A.”  
“C’mon Sharon, Trixie’s really nice! Look at her.”  
Alaska is clinging to Sharon’s arm with a pout, and Trixie is warmed by the girl defending her even though they'd only met today. Looking down at Alaska Sharon seems to relax, but still says with a wary edge “Pretty on the outside doesn’t mean pretty on the inside.” With that she smiles at Alaska, and makes her way over to one of the other couches where Courtney and Willam sat. 

“Hey, sorry bout her. She’s just cautious around new people, trying to protect us and all that. Don’t worry she’ll warm up to you soon enough.”   
Noticing Trixie’s unconvinced face Alaska laughs and sits to her right. “Seriously! You shoulda seen how Sharon was with me when we first met. I could barely get a word in between all her snark! But look where we are now!”   
She blushes, as if realising who she’s talking to and quickly adds   
“Friends! Great friends!”   
Trixie doesn’t miss her awkward laugh.

Trixie had been talking to Adore when the bell for dinner rang, and the short girl had slung her arm around Trixie’s waist, pulling her to the cafeteria. The scathing look Bianca sent her way would have left her mauled, had looks been able to kill.

At dinner Trixie is sandwiched between Bianca and Alaska, both of who are chatting away to others across the table. The dinner tonight didn’t leave much for Trixie to eat, being vegetarian, as it was a mince lasagne, so she was instead staring up at the sky through the cafeteria dome. Tonight it’s a soft grey, clouds rolling over each other, the sun slowly being smothered behind the sea of silver.

She scans the Cafeteria. Girls were sitting and chatting together idly all over the place. But Trixie could spot clusters around some tables. Bianca taps her cheek and smirks at her when Trixie turns to address the assault. Adore is draped on Bianca’s side, one hand under her chin resting on Bianca’s shoulder and the other resting lightly on her thigh like she might have to quickly remove it at any moment. She seems more comfortable and secure now, with Adore by her side (even if both Alaska and Dela were looking at them with worried expressions), and any trance of glare that she had sent Trixie earlier had disappeared.

“Surveying the room?” she asks.  
Trixie blushes at being caught, though not sure why being caught seems to be a bad thing. However strangely enough Bianca hurries to put her at ease.  
“It’s quite alright there, I can point out some of the few bitches I actually care to remember if you’d like?”  
“Yes thank you, I’d really appreciate it. I feel like I don’t know anybody to be honest.”   
Adore chirps in with a “So you’d say you’d only know the Nobodies” before quietly laughing to herself under Bianca less-than-impressed raised eyebrow. 

“Right. So over there” Bianca points to a group of lower years who look about 12 to 13 “Are the Kiddo’s or whatever Sharon has named them. Pretty sure that pretty blonde thing is Aquaria, and she’s the faux leader of the group.”

“There” She now (more subtly) points to a group five “Is the… huh, what does Sharon call them ba- Adore?”   
“The Elitists”   
“Right the Elitists. All of them apart from Tatianna are are on student council. That’s her right there. And next to her is Alyssa and Shangela. That’s Raja and Manila- they’re head girls, so stay on their good sides because they have phones to contact teachers at anytime. Flip phones mind you, but that's definitely better than the nothing that everyone else has.”

She now looks over to, without pointing, a small group of three. “That’s Miss Roxxxy Andrews, Detox (weird name I know probably italian), and Phi Phi. I’ll just say it- bitches. Stay away from them. You think me and Sharon are mean? They will rip your throat out if you so much as look at them wrongly. They really don’t like us.”  
Adore is nodding frantically from Bianca’s shoulder   
“They are, really really mean. But B you aren’t!”   
Trixie looks away from them as Bianca smiles down at Adore, knowing that it no longer involved her. 

After their brief talk it was before Trixie even knew it that the rest of the Nobodies were standing up and taking their trays to be cleared at the rubbish. 

When she goes to do her own, Trixie walks alongside Dela, who smiles at her as she scrapes off her plate.   
“What do you do after dinner?”  
“Well, you can either go to the common room and hang until curfew or you can just go back to your dorm. Either either really. I’m going to bed early tonight, cause I know tomorrow is going to be a long ass day.”   
“Thanks Dela, I’ve, uh, really appreciated how helpful you’ve been today. Thank you.” 

As Trixie is walking towards her dorm she can hear Adore chatting (loudly) to Bianca, the words she’s hearing causing her to smile to herself as she goes. Adore’s insisting that her and Trixie are “gonna be besties” and that “it’s great that there’s another Nobody!”

When Trixie gets back to her dorm she finds a girl leaning out the window. She has long pale legs that seem to go on forever, and a straight blonde bob. Her butt was pushed out towards Trixie as she presses her elbows into the wooden still. Without even turning towards her, the girl spoke in a heavy (russian?) accent,  
“Enjoying the view?” 

Trixie yanks her eyes from where they were resting where the short uniform skirt meets her milky legs, and begins to look anywhere else as she closes the door behind her. Trixie knows her voice comes out strained and uncomfortable when she says 

“You, uh, must be my roomate right?”

The girl turns, and light blue eyes bear into Trixie’s, contrasting with her bright red lips that slowly exhale smoke. A cigarette rests between two of her fingers, and smoke weaves up her arm.

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. But you can call me Katya.”  
Her face immediately explodes in a smile that could light the whole room, and Trixie finds herself breathless. She clears her throat.   
“Hi, I’m, uh, Hi I’m Trixie. Trixie Mattel.”  
Katya grins even wider if that's possible. She stubs out her smoke on the window sill before making her way over to Trixie. Up close, she’s even more gorgeous if you ask Trixie. Her eyes seemed to sparkle, she smelled of cigarettes, mint and oriental sweetgum like the forests near Trixie’s home.   
“Well hello Trixie Mattel. Welcome to B Dorm.”  
“Thanks. I, um, I’m apparently not going to uh, be here, not going to be here long. Need to send me over to uh A Dorm or something when they have an opening. Don’t know why.” (Fucking nervous stutter).  
Katya’s face seemed to fall.  
“Oh! Right. Well, we’d better enjoy while you are here then!”  
Trixie smiled at her. This girl was so energetic and welcoming that she already felt home. Katya had thrown herself down onto her bed, and was bouncing up and down on the spot, the bed jolting and looking ready to collapse. Trixie follows her lead and sits herself down on her own uncomfortable iron cot. She watches Trixie closely and asks her if she’s met anyone nice so far with a cheeky grin on her face.

“Well.. I’m apparently a Nobody now?” Trixie had planned to continue on, but Katya seemingly teleported over to her bed, and sat right in front of her.  
“No way! Well you’re obviously good people if you’re a Nobody already. Like ‘em much? They like you? Who’d inducted you?”  
The questions pour from her mouth, leaving Trixie dizzy and breathless.  
“Well Dela came and got me earlier. She let me sit with her at lunch and stuff. Everyone was really nice, except I don’t think Sharon likes me very much.”  
“Oh oh, that’s just Sharon, promise. She’s really loyal and protective and shit, so she’s probably just worried you’ll turn out mean and hom- yeah she’ll get over herself soon enough, don’t worry about it doll.”  
She’d been in here with Katya for less than five minutes and already she was feeling calm and comfortable.   
“Hey, thanks for that. Are you, uh, allowed to have cigarettes and stuff here?”  
Katya lets out a wheeze, bringing some leftover smoke from her lungs. She shakes her head with a smile,  
“No no, not at all. It’s always a huge shitstorm when teachers catch you smokin’ so I’d really appreciated it if ya didn’t snitch.”   
She winks at Trixie playfully.  
Such a small action, but Trixie finds her face completely alight in a blush and her lip between her teeth. Katya is stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, amazing and she’s joking with Trixie? Majority of pretty girls think that Trixie’s weird and has too dramatic makeup and laughs too loudly. But this Katya girl seems to have an actual interest in Trixie?? 

Butterflies collect in Trixie’s stomach and hope tickles her throat, but she quickly squashes it down. She won’t do that to herself, she won’t get her hopes up. She knows that she will end up disappointed and a freak and it’s better to destroy those feelings before they start, but Jesus is Katya gorgeous and she’s laughing at Trixie but it sounds so sweet and friendly, like everything's a joke and nothing is important, but at the same time Trixie is important and funny and-

“It’ll be good to have you here, doll.”  
“I, uh, well, yeah, thanks. Same to you.”  
“Well I was already here.”  
“Oh! Uh, I, um, I know, but uh”  
Katya’s wind chime laugh interrupts her stuttering and warms her body once more. She’s smiling too, watching Katya snort to herself while they sit on Trixie’s bed, the coarse fabric scratching their bare legs.  
She looks Trixie up and down once more, before she declares “You’re weird.”  
Her heart falls. She was laughing at her. Of course she was. Trixie will probably always be this kid. Why can’t she just be normal and liked for once? She already blew it, goddamn it fuck.  
“Sorry.”  
Katya looks confused, then shocked. Hey hands fall to her knees and she leans forward and hurries to tell Trixie  
“No no! It was a compliment!”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah! I’m weird too. So are all the Nobodies. It’s good to be weird.”  
And her heart was soaring once more, face lit in a soft smile as she watches this strange girl in front of her. 

 

Day Two

Trixie wakes early, dark cloud gathered behind the window outside. It was freezing even in the cocoon of blankets that she had made. Shivering, Trixie forces herself out of bed and into the glacial room around her. As soon as she is enveloped in her dressing gown, Trixie walks to the left side of the room and sits herself down into one of the two squeaky chairs.   
She looked terrible after her nearly sleepless night, having been too cold and preoccupied with feelings of nervousness, excitement and general overwhelmingness to sleep. But she had an entire bag of makeup to hide this, so she wasn’t too worried as she gets to work combing out her hair and applying makeup.   
By the time she had finished Katya was up and about. The girl was currently blowing smoke out the window, but had asked Trixie what she was doing twice, nearly broken the desk by flinging herself onto it and had confusedly looked at all of Trixie’s makeup already. “I only ever use my trusted lipstick. What the fuck does all this shit do?” she’d asked.

“Sure you don’t want to come down for breakfast Katya?”   
“Nah I’m alright. Thank you Doll.”  
“See ya”

When Trixie closes the door behind her immediately the sense of contentedness and humour leave her body like someone had opened the floodgates. Anxiety twists itself in her stomach because sure, they had said that she’s a Nobody now but it had only been the first day. What if they were just being polite and don’t actually want Trixie to sit with them? Does she go over and sit there, is she welcome to? Of would she look assuming and rude? Trixie hates high school.

She continues to stand there looking like a deer stuck in the headlights until a now familiar face floats down the corridor towards her. Adore smiles when she spots Trixie, and pulls her along by the hand. 

After breakfast and throughout the day Courtney, Willam and Dela alternate between taking Trixie to her classes. Although it was just one corridor of rooms, she still dreaded going into the wrong one and even though she hadn’t said, they seemed to get that and had decided to help her out. 

At lunch Adore, Sharon and Violet are nowhere to be seen. Bianca seems more tense and her sharp tongue makes a more noticeable appearance than yesterday, her hands in tight fists at her sides. Pearl looks completely lost in the sea of other girls, continually rubbing her arm or playing with some pin on her blazer. Alaska kept smiling as if an amazing thought had popped into her head and she’d turn to her left, but seeing it’s vacancy the words would die on her lips, leaving her looking like a kicked puppy. 

Trixie looks between each girl, noticing the badge that some had and other didn’t. It was a black small circular pin with a wooden cross draped with a white cowl. Of the girls left only those three wore it. Trixie scans the room, and sees other girls wearing it but they were few and far between.   
The bell sings throughout the cafeteria and the thought slips from her sight.

When Trixie goes to her dorm at curfew after hanging out with the Nobodies in the Common Room, she is greeted by a sad look from Katya. “Are you okay?”   
The other girls sea blue eyes rise to meet her own, and Trixie can feel the waves of pain and sadness that comes from them.   
“Yeah, uh how was your day doll?”   
“Uh, well it was fine. Hey, why do you call me that?”  
“What?”  
“Doll, you uh, call me doll. Why?”  
Finally, finally it is Katya’s turn to blush, but the rose only stains her cheeks for a second.   
“Well because you, ya know. Look like a doll. So it just suits”  
Trixie hides her grin as she tucks herself into bed.  
“Okay”

 

Day Three

This morning when Trixie wakes, the stench of cigarettes already filled the room. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, Trixie’s feet find the floor. She looks to Katya who has her feet dangling out the window. “Good Morning.” She says with a yawn. She sits down to comb her hair and do her makeup but feeling the knots and grease, Trixie decides that she’d better just wash.   
“Hey Katya?”  
“Hm?”  
“Where are the showers?”  
“End of the hall, but like obviously not left cause that’d take you to the canteen.”  
“Hah, funny. Cheers!”  
As she leaves the room Katya flips her the bird and sticks out her tongue. Trixie can’t help but laugh.

The showers are cold and stained, and weirdly vacant. She finishes as soon as possible, teeth chattering as she dresses and dries her hair. Her walk back to her dorm room was at a brisk pace, as weirdly the cramped dark hallway was causing Trixie to worry seemingly for no reason.

Her makeup is a five minute job, well not literally, but it’s done rushed and messy, her walk back from the showers must of taken longer than expected even if it was just a hallway. She finishes up but before she reaches the door again (this time with the intention of going to breakfast), Trixie pauses and looks back. Katya sat on her bed reading some book written in russian, the early morning breeze having swept her hair into even more of a tangled mess. Feeling like it’s the most important thing in the world, Trixie decides that Katya simply must sit with her at meals.

“Why don’t you come down to breakfast with me?”  
She looks up and smiles apologetically  
“Sorry Doll, I don’t tend to eat in the cafeteria, I just grab shit once everyone's done.”  
“Tends to being the operative word. Let’s go!”  
Katya hesitates, looking to and from Trixie and her book. It takes her a whole minute, but she sighs dramatically and slides from the bed, and tells Trixie  
“Only cause you are forcing me to.” 

But when she reaches the closest table, the Nobodies table, Trixie’s confidence fades. Once more the nagging feeling of being new and unwanted curl like vines around Trixie’s ankles, holding her firmly in place. Katya is silent behind her.

“You plan on standing there and making everyone uncomfortable or sitting down like a normal person?”   
Bianca barks, slamming down her tray on the table, looking at Trixie and Katya in a expression that screamed “Just bloody sit down”.

Breakfast seems to whirl by, Katya’s laughter and presence by her side making Trixie feel the most confident and comfortable that she had yet. Classes too seemed to fly by, that is until dinner where the day came to a screaming holt.

Trixie was already seated alongside most of the Nobodies, when eyes fall behind her causing her to turn around. Violet was walking towards them, her hair dripping water and wetting the shoulders and back of her uniform. Sharon was next to her, pale and wide eyed, frantically looking around the room. Adore is stumbling behind them, twitching, looking confused and dazed, her eyes even more unfocused and glassy. 

Violet walks past Trixie like a ghost, sitting down silently next to Pearl who takes off her own blazer wraps Violet in it, patting down her hair as Violet whispers in her ear so quietly that to everyone else she seems to not be speaking at all.  
Sharon simply makes a beeline for Alaska even as her eyes dart around the room, taking her elbow and leading her outside, Alaska’s face dripping with concern and worry. Adore stumbles slowly towards them until her legs give out, and she falls into Bianca’s arms, who draws her into a tight hug and murmur sings to Adore and strokes her hands as she shakes violently in her arms.

Fear clutches Trixie’s throat, and she’s so close to asking what is going on, when the soft sound of shuffling feet causes her to look behind herself once more. Katya stands behind her, hands covered in something dark and hanging by her sides. She appears to have a split lip, and the red cut is vibrant against her deathly pale skin.

“Katya…”  
She reaches a hand towards the girl, but Katya jerks away, as if in fear, and limps from the cafeteria as fast as she can. Shocked and confused, Trixie sits in silence. 

“What just happened? Oh my god, will they be okay?”  
Courtney looks past the obviously distressed girls and lies to Trixie with a completely straight face. “They’re fine, don’t worry about it.”  
But Trixie can see worry blurring the straight face that Courtney desperately seems to be trying to keep. 

She doesn’t feel like eating after that. She clears her plate well before any other girl in the cafeteria, and walks back to her dorm. Katya is lying on her bed upside down with one leg in the air and her head dangling from the side of the bed. There were tears in her eyes. Trixie voice wants to hide in her throat, but she forces it out.

“Hey, are… are you okay?”  
“I’m fine.”  
Katya’s smile was dazzling, and could of fooled anyone. But not Trixie. She had always been good at reading people, and knew without a doubt that Katya’s (beautiful her mind supplies) smile is false.   
“You don’t look fine.”  
“Then stop looking.”

Her answer was curt. Final. Trixie desperately wants to push it, but the tears in Katya’s eyes tell her to leave it alone. Anyway, something about Katya truly intrigues Trixie, and she knows that their budding friendship is definitely more important than any curiosity that she may have. Even though she’s concerned, Trixie knows that pushing it won’t get her anywhere. Smiling sadly over at Katya, she takes a seat on her cot.

“If you really want me to. So I was wondering about…”  
The rest of the night passes quickly, Katya perking up once the topic was moved off of her, and they end up sitting together on Katya’s bed talking about whether aliens exist, how weird money is and the stars.

 

Day Four

It was lunch but so far only Trixie and Sharon were seated at the Nobodies table. Maths must be holding the other girls captive, and Sharon told Trixie that Adore and Violet would be waiting for the other girls like “sad little lost puppies” outside their class. As they sit in uncomfortable silence, Trixie taps her foot impatiently on the ground and Sharon worries her lip between her teeth. That is until the (insanely) taller girl sighs loudly and slams her hands down on the table, making Trixie jump.

“Listen, ‘laska thinks I’m being too cautious of you, but we’ve had other girls try to weasel their way in to just be really fucking mean and get gossip for the big Shepards Hill Bullies... So what I’m trying to say is that it’s nothing personal and I don’t dislike you, alright?”

Her words seem sincere, but Trixie cannot help but still feel small and judged under Sharon’s eye. The other girl sighs again.

“I mean it. Listen why don’t I give you a run down of the rest of the student body and the ones I actually do dislike? I’ve named every important friend group that there is.”   
At Trixie’s nod and ghost of a smile, Sharon continues on.  
“Well that over there is Roxxxy, Detox and Phi Phi. Major league bitches. I definitely hold no fondness for those cunts in my heart. They’re the kind of girls to ask you how you’re feeling, and when you reply they yell at you for making it all about you. Even though all they do is gossip, bully and talk about how sexy and amazing they are. So obviously I call them the MC’s, or Mean Cunts.”

It was hard for Trixie not to crack a grin at that.

“Over there is the Elitists. They stay out of our way but I still don’t like them. That's the group of perfect little catholic girls who’d never step a toe out of line. Straight A students and all that. It’s like Alyssa, Raja, Manila, Shangela and Tatianna. All of them apart from Tatianna are on student council, and therefore practically run the school. Alaska hung out with them until this year actually.”  
At Trixie’s shocked expression Sharon smiles, looking down when she says and begins

“Yeah no she was real tight with them, but then she met me and obviously couldn’t resist my amazingness and started to hangout with us.” 

Sharon shakes her head, brushing aside the obviously fond memory. She looks up, her voice back to it’s neutral tone, and Trixie feels lucky to have seen that break in character. She seems way more… human now. Less spooky and more protective.

“Anyway next up are the Good Girls. That’s that little group over there. They’re really nice, so it’s kinda hard not to like them but that doesn’t mean I trust them. They’re kinda a weird mix honestly. Naomi, Bob, Kim Chi, Sasha and Chi Chi.”

“Last but not least are the Kiddo’s. They’re freshmen by the way, so two years younger than you? You’re seventeen right? Junior?”  
Trixie sighs, she hates having to explain her weird falling birthday.  
“I’m a Junior but I only turn sixteen this year, so I’m pretty much a year younger than every other Junior.”  
Sharon raises a brow while she talks, but nods her head when she’s done.  
“Right, right. Adore’s the same, she’s like a year younger than everyone and she’ll only turn seventeen next year while everyone else is going on eighteen. But she’s still a Junior like Courtney, Willam and Alaska.”  
“Oh, are you not?”  
“Nah me, Bianca, Katya and Dela are all Seniors. Adore’ll be happy to know she’s not the only baby in the group now.”

Sharon smile is playful, and Trixie can finally feel her walls of ice, that had been built up around her to protect from any possible danger Trixie may cause, begin to melt. 

“Anyways the Kiddo’s are pretty cool, but they are still young and annoying. Pretty sure their names are Aquaria, Miz, Aja, Blair, Trinity, Valentina and some girl Farrah, though I haven’t seen her sit with them in a while.”  
She trails off with a frown before finishing.  
“That’s pretty much it, though Jinkx and Ivy are really fuckin’ cool. You should talk to them sometime. Total weirdo’s but super friendly. Anyways I need a smoke and can’t be bothered waiting for these bitches. See ya round.”

With that she left, not looking back as she walked off.

 

Day Five  
Day Six  
Day Seven   
Day Eight  
Day Night  
Day Ten  
Day Eleven  
Day Twelve  
Day Thirteen  
Day Fourteen  
Day Fifteen

The past days had carried on quietly, as Trixie learned more about her new friends and began to feel more welcome and accepted. Her after curfew talks with Katya always left her feeling warm and happy, and she and Adore regularly sat next to each other in the common room, talking and laughing about random shit. It was all pretty normal… that is except for the days that she finds Katya on her bed with dried blood on her hands and a freshly split lip. Except for the days Adore stumbles to the Nobodies table with dark bruises on her temples. Except for the days Violet comes into the cafeteria shivering violently, her hair leaving puddles on the floor. Except for the days Sharon seems not even present, her pupils dilated and reactions slow.   
Day Sixteen  
Day Seventeen   
Day Eighteen  
Day Nineteen  
Day Twenty  
Day Twenty One  
Day Twenty Two  
Day Twenty Three  
Day Twenty Four  
Day Twenty Five

It was in the middle of lunch when Ms Betty came from the bathrooms, yelling for students to return to their dorms immediately. Confusion and fear swept through the sea of students like a wave, as everyone abandoned their food, grabbed their bags and went to their rooms.

Trixie and Katya spent the time talking about their favorite foods, but quickly got bored and moved onto other more versatile and weird subjects. It wasn’t until a whole two hours later that they were taken to the Common Room by teachers, being told that some girl from B Dorm, Ivy Winters, had commited suicide and they were “permitted the day off to grieve, but tomorrow must be back to classes as per usual”.

The entire night, Trixie was kept awake by heart wrenching sobs, but when she asks Katya about it the next day her only reply is “Poor Jinkx.”

Day Twenty Six  
Day Twenty Seven  
Day Twenty Eight  
Day Twenty Nine  
Day Thirty  
Day Thirty One   
Day Thirty Two   
Day Thirty Three  
Day Thirty Four  
Day Thirty Five

It had been a normal Saturday morning. Waking up tired, knowing she should of gone to sleep earlier but not regretting her late night conversations with Katya at all, getting dressed quickly before brushing her growing hair out and doing her makeup. 

But Courtney skipping over to them with a big smile on her face at lunch? Anything but.

She’d told them that she had gotten them a “group gift”, but insisted that they waited until after dinner to find out what it is. So here they were, sitting on the couches of Common Room B, waiting for Courtney to get her arse here after eating minimal tea in order to find out what the mystery gift was. 

No one else was in the common room when Courtney walked in, a suspiciously large object hidden in her blazer. She walks over to the circle of couches proudly, planting her feet firmly in front of them. She had a wicked grin and mischievous glint in her eye.

“Happy birthday ladies!”

With a flourish of her hand Courtney produces an almost entirely full bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. The room was silent and as Trixie looks around she wonders what everyone's reaction will be. Trixie had never really drunk much herself, and the only time she’d ever gotten drunk was when she was fifteen and stole some wine from her mum. 

“Fuck yeah!”

It was Sharon, yelling out in excitement. That was all it took to disrupt the silence and send all of the girls into animated chatter. Katya smiled to Sharon from beside Trixie, and the two began to talk about the last time they got wasted. They were quickly quitend by Bianca, snapping at them to “Quieten down” or they’ll be “Caught before they’ve even started!”

Trixie shuffled nervously in her chair, unsure of drinking tonight. What if they got caught? What if someone snitched? Trixie’s worries were quickly put at ease when Courtney explains how it was a staff party tonight, all the teachers were on the opposite side of the school so they had no chance of being stumbled upon.

At this point Willam had decided that they had better get started, and took a large swig from the bottle, screwing her nose up at the taste. With that they began and Courtney began pouring the vodka into plastic cups that she’d gotten Willam to nab from the cafeteria. The drinks were past around, mixed with lemonade that Courtney had gotten from the vending machines in Common Room A. Soon enough Trixie had her own cup of poison in her hands. It reeked of alcohol and taking a sip, she could barely taste any lemonade.

Red lips come close to her ear. Warm breath ghosts over the shell, Katya’s bottom lip grazing her piercing.  
“Just throw it back. It’ll sting but only for a moment, better than torturing yourself with consistent burning.”   
With that she was gone, leaning against the couches arms, sliding into Sharon’s story telling with ease.

Looking at the fizzing liquid, Trixie can still feel Katya’s breath, words, lips against her ear. In one quick motion she throws back her drink, gulping it down and getting lipstick on her cup. It burnt all the way down, alighting her stomach with warmth. She can see Katya’s approving (...proud?) side look and her heart soars.

Turning to her right, Trixie looks at Adore and Bianca. They were smiling at each other, Adore whispering something in Bianca’s ear before quickly stealing some of her drink after having finished her own. The playful swat she receives seems to make her smile even more, something flashing in her eyes.

“Has everyone finished already? God you alcoholics!”  
“It’s not likes it’s something we can sip on Court. Go on, pour us all another!”

Willam’s statement is met with more cheering, and all the girls get a refill. Trixie watches Bianca throw down her own incase someone tries to steal it again, before smiling at Katya and drinking her own.   
Oof. That one was a lot more vodka than lemonade. Katya pats her leg as she chokes on the liquid, laughing at her. But unlike how Trixie would feel had it been anyone else (except maybe Adore), it didn’t seem malicious. Just… funny. She quickly finds herself laughing too, though she doesn’t know why. Just that something was definitely funny. 

After multiple shots later and in between laughter someone recommends they play truth or dare. At this point Trixie was feeling warm, giggly and like she could do anything, so she agreed wholeheartedly. Stumbling girls pull the couches closer together until each couch was touching another.   
Katya, Trixie, Adore and Bianca all sat together on one couch, Courtney, Dela and Willam on the next one, leaving Alaska and Sharon with their own couch next to Pearl and Violet with their own as well. 

Trixie looked at each of the girls as an already drunk Willam explained the rules of the game (that they already knew).  
Pearl and Violet were sitting close to each other, though both of them sitting straight and proper. At least Trixie could hear what Violet was saying for once, instead of the usual mouse squeaks that come out of her.  
Alaska was entangled with Sharon as they lay on the barely-white-it-has-so- many-stains couch, and they were laughing loudly together.  
Courtney and Dela seemed to be the only ones actually listening to Willam, nodding along with each word she says.  
Bianca had Adore in her lap, the latter of which squirming and turning trying to face her, but the older girl held her hips down fast and Adore had no chance of succeeding. Bianca kept sending concerned looks between herself and Adore, and Trixie as she tries to keep her in place.  
Trixie herself, confused with what Bianca’s worry may be, snuggles into Katya’s side, who is leaning against the arm of their couch. She had a finger drawing patterns on Trixie’s hand, and that combined with the dizzy buzzing in Trixie’s brain, she’d never felt so happy since coming here.

“And that's how you play truth or dare! Lets get started!”   
Willam swigs more vodka from the bottle until it’s taken away from her by Dela (who wears a mothering concern) and past round the room. Willam points to Pearl and the game begins.  
It had started it off rather tame and… almost boring. That is until Katya turns a wicked eye to Trixie and asks her the dreaded truth or dare. With everyone's eyes on her, Trixie only has so long to weigh up her options. Answer a truth and potentially tell them all something super humiliating or do a dare that could be literally anything. 

“...truth?”

Katya’s smile is far too wide, far too happy, and Trixie can tell that she has made a mistake.

“Great! Do you want to kiss me?”

The room is silent. Trixie’s far too warm, far too drunk for this shit. She sits up, swaying on the spot. But she can’t lie! Then.. then Katya will think she’s a liar! So what if Willam explained the rules already, she is going to bend them.

“Dare.”

Katya leans in (lurches forward) and Trixie can smell the vodka on her breath.

“I dare you to kiss me.”

To be fair she should of seen that one coming. Fuck what does she do, what does she do, everyones looking at her and Katya with shocked expressions, mouths curved into perfect little “o”’s. But Trixie isn’t looking at their mouths, because her eyes are locked onto Katya’s lips. Full and red and-

“Never have I ever-”  
“That's not the game!”

The room erupted into laughter and Katya sat back with a huff. Trixie’s heart is still pounding in her ears, cheeks feeling as if they are on fire. Had Trixie been looking even slightly to the right, she’d of seen Adore whisper in Bianca’s ear before standing up and getting her arse swatted in the direction of Katya. 

But it isn’t until Adore is standing right infront of her that Trixie sees her. Adore’s lipstick is smudged and she looks utterly smashed though to be fair she had drunk the most with her constant stealing of both Bianca’s drinks (or any unwatched drink for that matter) and the bottle. 

She was hovering in front of Katya and Trixie, both of which were looking up at her. With a smile and in hushed tones, she talks to the room.

“I guess I’ll complete Trixie’s dare for her. I’m sure Katya won’t mind.”

Head swivel to and from Bianca and Katya, both of which just smiled smugly. No longer were eyes focused on Trixie, but that was a small comfort compared to the fact that she would now have to watch Adore kiss Katya. As she leant down Trixie’s stomach twisted into knots, and a uncomfortable feeling settled into her chest. Trying to push down the knot forming in her throat she takes a swig from the bottle, looking away from Katya capturing Adore’s lips in her teeth. 

Trixie felt uncomfortable. She’d never seen two girls kiss before, all the girls at her old school had disgusting boyfriends who they’d let boss them round all the time. She knew she’d never been interested in boys, knew that that couldn’t quite be said for girls. But watching Katya claim Adore’s mouth, other than making her chest ache, had her toes curling and squirming in her seat. 

A cheer comes from the other side of the room and Sharon raises a fist in the air. “Fuck yeah! Now we’re actually getting started!” The Nobodies all rose a glass to that, cheering and chattering, carrying on their now much more elevated game of truth or dare.

It was one thirty when Trixie and Katya stumbled back to their dorm room, bumping into the walls of the corridor as they walk. They manage to reach the room, and each land in a pile in their respective beds. Katya’s laughing.

“Wha-?”  
“You’re really drunk right now.”  
“Am not! You’re just really blurry.”

That seems to make her laugh harder, and Trixie takes her eyes from Katya and slumps herself further into the blankets. 

“Anyways you drunk too, Katya.”  
“Not as much as you.”  
She grunts, eyes falling heavy.  
“Night Zamo.”  
“доброй ночи Doll.”

 

Day Thirty Six  
Day Thirty Seven  
Day Thirty Eight  
Day Thirty Nine  
Day Forty  
Day Forty One   
Day Forty Two   
Day Forty Three  
Day Forty Four  
Day Forty Five

It was after that night that Trixie really started to feel part of the group. She’d never felt so popular. All the Nobodies love her (yes, even Sharon!) and acted like she’d been in the group for a long time. Trixie is definitely closest with Katya and Adore though, talking to them daily. Even Bianca didn’t mind her and Adore getting close, as she no longer seemed to see Trixie as a threat on their friendship. And then of course was her and Katya. Try as she might to push certain feelings down...

It was about eight forty five when Trixie got back to her dorm after showering. She’d taken to getting dressed in her dorm considering that it was somehow even colder in the showers.

As she opens the door Trixie spots Katya lying on her bed, long legs crossed at the ankles, reading one of her books written in Russian. Trixie smiles to herself as she walks in, heading for her night wear that she’d left out on her bed.  
Even with her back to the girl, when Trixie lets the towel fall from her frame, she can feel eyes wandering up and down her body, as they did whenever she was in any state of undress (and as her own do to Katya). She knows a rose petal blush paints her face.

When dressed she turns to look at the older girl. Katya’s eyes were glued to her book, a matching blush dusting her own cheeks. She looks up with a start when Trixie sits next to her on her bed.   
“Hey you.”  
“Hi doll”

Trixie knows that they dance around each other like cat and mouse, always close but never quite there. Trixie knows that in the end it's a fruitless game, one that is sure to leave her hurt. But Katya has a way of just drawing her in, and Trixie wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s in love with the way that she just looks at Katya and instantly smiles. 

It was all these thoughts and more that spun around Trixie head as they talked tonight. Aliens, vikings, glass, animals, colours, swords, money, space, houses, clothes. Another thing she loves. She and Katya can talk about anything, anything at all and it is funny, exciting and new. 

“What do you think of love?”

Oh whatever, you can judge. Trixie knows it cliche but she cannot help but ask.   
Whenever Katya is passionate about something her eyes light up like fireworks and energy zaps from her skin like lightning. Love is something Katya is very passionate about, she can tell.

Somehow in the midst of their talking, Katya had sat up crossed legged, and Trixie’s legs fell ever side of her hips. Somehow in the midst of their talking, they’d lent into each other, and now Trixie can feel the ghosting of breath over her lips. Katya’s bright eyes were locked with hers and all talking ceased. Fingers play with her hair, a wrist heistiently resting on her collarbone, unknowingly to it, completely welcome. She can hear her own heart in her ears as they come even closer, warmth enveloping Trixie like a blanket. Lips so close to her own that she can nearly sense them grazing her skin.

Until it’s all gone. 

The room drops two degrees as soon as Katya leaves, the door clicking shut behind her. There is no oxygen for Trixie to breathe as her hands sink into the coarse fabric of Katya’s bed. There is no sound for Trixie to hear as fear clings to her eyelashes and drips down her cheeks. 

 

Day Forty Six

When Trixie wakes it isn’t to the smell of cigarettes or the sound of Russian poetry. Only cold silence greets Trixie into consciousness. Dressing, grooming and packing for classes that morning is awkward. Katya is nowhere to be seen and it leaves Trixie feeling not only horribly anxious but also completely off kilter. 

Even by lunch, no one had seen Katya. Even with Adore doing everything in her power to cheer Trixie up, she still felt like she had messed everything up and had accidently ended her brief but beautiful friendship with Katya. When even Adore stopped trying and instead began ‘annoying’ (the older girl clearly loved the attention) Bianca, she decided that she should stop pulling the mood down and trudged outside. 

She walked a while, past the courtyard and into the little field before the forest, looking through the trees into the endless woods. Without going into the forest, Trixie comes to a stop at the closest tree. She couldn’t see (or been see through) the cafeteria from here, but could reached it in less then two seconds if need be. It was the perfect place to wallow in one's own misery. 

The crunch of a twig alerts Trixie to another’s presence and her head jerks up so fast she nearly gets whiplash. Above her stands Katya, the last few rays of sun illuminating her hair and turning it golden. She looks so soft and pale in the glow and Trixie can physically feel her heart melt. 

“Oh! I’ll.. I’ll go”  
“No! Please stay.”

Trixie knows she sounds desperate but it's because she is. God, she think she might be falling in fucking love with this girl, but she will do anything to keep her close, even if that means hiding how she really feels. Katya visibly hesitates, but after a moment she sits down, and to Trixie’s absolute delight she even shuffles closer until her knee brushes Trixie’s thigh. 

“Katya I’m so sorry, this is all my fault, I know I shouldn’t of… of uh- well I know that I need to back off and I am so sorry, I really am but I so so hope we can still be friends, like I get it if you think I’m weird, it’s weird, because I know it is bu-”

 

Soft lips press against Trixie's own and she jumps in shock. Unlike all the books Trixie had ever read, she processes it instantly, pushing back quickly so the other girl would know that the feelings are reciprocated. Ten fold. Oh, but when people say that the world seems to stand still, they don’t lie. The wind came to a halt, the birds fell silent, the sun faded behind the horizon leaving Trixie and Katya alone. Her lips are soft, and Trixie can feel Katya smiling into the kiss.   
It was heaven on earth. For a minute.

A shout had them snapping apart, whipping their heads up to find the source of the noise. A thick tanned girl with straight brunette hair was glaring at them. Roxxxy, if Trixie remembered correctly. A Mean Cunt. Her face was a mix of both disgust and horror, as if she couldn’t believe she just witnessed such an atrocious and disgusting thing. She storms away, kicking up dirt, dust and grass as she goes.

Trixie turns to Katya with a grin, but her laughter dies in her mouth when she sees her expression. Pure fear. Trixie quickly attempts to reassure Katya.   
“Hey it’s fine, it’s okay, people won’t care right? No one will give you shit for it, I can say it’s my fault, it’ll be fin-”

She’s cut off by Katya dragging her to her feet and harshly whispering in her ear. “He will ask you questions, tell him… please tell him it was my fault.” As soon as the words hit Trixie’s hearing, another sound interrupted. A thin pale women burst from the cafeteria, power walking towards them. Ms Betty- she is Trixie’s maths teacher. A sick feeling pools in the bottom of Trixie’s stomach. She looked angry and disgusted. 

“Follow me.”

They walked past the library, past the classes, all the way to the front office where Trixie hadn’t returned to since she first came here. A short and heavy built man stands there in what even Trixie can tell is an expensive suit. His eyes were dark emotionless voids, much like sharks, and his sneer reminded her of one too.

“Miss Mattel, pease step into my office. Miss Zamo… go to Room Zero, I’m sure they can take care of you there.” 

His words were as cold as ice and sent shocks down Trixie’s spine. Her throat closes up, locking up any questions or comments she may of had. She is led into his office, which is warm and well furnished, and told to take a seat in front of his desk. A plaque with his name on it - “PRINCIPAL LEMONIS” screams compensation and looking at the tiny (but completely terrifying) man, Trixie somehow doesn’t doubt it.

“Miss Mattel. I guess I shall begin with an introduction. I am Lemonis, Principal of Shepherds Hill Academy. I manage the school and all its affairs, including accepting students such as yourself, Miss Mattel. An art scholarship brought you here, correct? Such a shame you are already being led astray.”

He smiles at her, chilling Trixie to the very bone.

“You see Miss Mattel, here at Shepherds Hill Academy, we aim to give our students the proper Catholic education and discipline that they deserve. We aim to abolish sinful behaviour in our students and right wrongs. We are, afterall, teaching the mothers of tomorrow. There is a particular sin that we aim to abolish that is the reason many of our students are sent here for. Do you know what that is Miss Mattel?”

Confused, Trixie furrows her eyebrows and shakes her head ‘no’. He’s building up to something she can tell, but as to what? She couldn’t exactly know.  
“We aim to cure homosexuality. For this we have a Six Level Program. Miss Zamo, who you have been caught fratinsing with, is on our highest level. We only have four students on Level Six, Miss Mattel, and they are the worst of the worst. Since this is a first for you Miss Mattel, we will assume that it is Miss Zamo attempting to infect you with her homosexuality. But make no mistake, if this happens again you will be put into our Levels program. Would you like me to go over the procedures of each Level, Miss Mattel?”

Burning tears were welling in Trixie’s eyes, causing her to go blind. She shook her head, wanting nothing less than to hear what things they do to the girls put into the Levels- well, not from him. Feeling as if icy hands were squeezing the breath from her lungs, Trixie bites down hard on her lip. The coppery taste of blood grounds her and she begins to hear what he is saying once more.

“They are defective girls, but we try to rehabilitate them. Our Father has created each of us in His image, so when we find those choosing to sin and spread evil…”

Her focus drops again as she tries to stem the flow of tears. She refuses to cry in front of this worm, refuses to show him how much he has affected her. 

“Remember my warning, Miss Mattel. You may go now.”

 

Day Forty Seven

Katya once more did not wake Trixie with her smoke or poetry. Her bed lay cool and empty across from her. Trixie’s own bed is cold too, damp also from her not yet dried tears. After staying awake waiting for Katya last night, Trixie had slept in. Thank fuck it’s Friday. She was late to breakfast too, even after not doing her makeup and half heartedly brushing her hair. But life seemed to be in slow motion this morning, and it was a continuous fight to keep the tears from streaming. 

When she sat at the Nobodies table she looked at her friends again. Suddenly pieces fell into place. The B Dorms, special classes… fuck, how could she of been so blind?

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
Bianca’s voice drew Trixie from herself once more, and tear began to fall. The older girl who was usually so composed and in control suddenly looked scared and confused. Probably wondering how her comment could of made Trixie so upset. ‘Don’t worry, it’s not you.’ Trixie tells her in her mind.   
Even though Trixie has glued her eyes to the table while she cries, Sharon has leant down and caught them. She seems to know, but that’d be impossible.  
“Hey, why don’t we go for a walk?”

Her voice is soft and soothing, as opposed to the usual coldness that her voice seemed to take. Today it was as warm as honey- sweet but not artificially or overpoweringly so. She came round to Trixie’s side of the table, and helped ease her from the bench. She walks next to Trixie, but far away enough that she doesn’t feel crowded or boxed in. They settle in the courtyard, the cool breeze mixing with the warm sunlight, empty except the two of them. 

“This school isn’t all that it looks to be, huh?”

Trixie doesn’t trust herself to speak.

“It’s better when you know all the facts, trust me. I’ll pretend you know nothing okay? Start at the start.”

A bird twitters in the distance. 

“There’s a reason why there’s two dorms, two common rooms. A Dorm is for all the ‘normal’ students, and B Dorm is for anyone in the Levels. If you’re in the Levels… well, life is shit. There's no pudding, no going home in the holidays and you have to wear a stupid fucking pin so everyone knows that you're one of those.”

Sharon lights up a cigarette.

“Teachers treat you like shit, ‘normal’ students won’t go near you and you have to live in the shittyist conditions. I mean our fucking common room has nothing but moth eaten couches, and even those get threatened to be removed if we act up too much.” 

She blows smoke from her nose.

“Level One is pretty much a class. It just replaces one of your periods, or three at most, usually the ones you actually like cause they’re assholes like that. You learn to do feminine things, like sew, bake and clean and shit, all while a teacher at the front of the room is explaining to you why fags are evil yada yada yada. Bianca and Pearl are in that one.”

Trixie raises her eyes in shock.

“Level Two is kinda a part time thing. It’s where you’re are taught to be ashamed of yourself. It’s usually a one on one meeting and it’s handed out as a punishment if a you fail something in Level One.”

Sharon scuffs her shoe on the ground.

“Level Three is like group meetings where you’re taught to be shameful, conflicted, and fearful about you’re ‘homosexual feelings’. It’s all bullshit, but it fucking works. I mean, look at poor Ivy.”

Her head drops into her hands.

“Level Four. They get your brain to link fear and pain with ‘homosexual thoughts’. They use pins, lighters, force and even fucking knives. Level Four is a one time, two time kinda thing.”

She exhales slowly.

“Level Five is solitary, where they combine all past levels but its continus. People are usually sent to Level Five for a week but it can be extended, the longest stay ever was about three whole months. It’s fucking scary, the rest of us have no contact with them, we don’t know if they’re okay or even fucking alive.”

She scratches away ghost tears.

“Level Six is the worst. It’s more torture. It combines all of the above, and you don’t go to normal classes. It’s all day, everyday apart from weekends, until you are ‘cured’. No one's ever finished Level Six. They try out new shit too, new ‘techniques’. It’s fucking horrible. I-I can’t go into details.”

She takes a shuddering breath.

“It’s just me, Katya, Violet and Adore in Level Six. They hate us the most, that’s why we’re in there. They hate me because I’m apparently a rebel but it’s actually because I stand up for myself and fight back against their homophobic bullshit. Katya... she’s easy to hurt. I mean they can do what they want to her because she doesn’t have a family. She ‘n’ her family are from fucking Russia and they’re all dead anyways. Violet’s caught most often, I mean she isn’t fucking discreet, and she literally bites the fingers off of anyone whose tries to lay a finger on her so of course they don’t like her. And Adore. Poor Adore. God she’s so fucking young and she gets it the worst. They pick on her all the time, because she just takes it. Whenever they want to take their anger out on something, they find Adore, and that’s pretty fucking often.”

Sharon throws her cigarette to the ground and grinds it into the concrete paving with her shoe.

“Know what you want from Katya, Trixie. Don’t go playing games with her heart strings or you’ll have a lot of very upset girls coming after ya. We love you Trixie, you’re one of us now, but so is Katya and we’d do anything for that girl.” 

She looks at Trixie, gauging her reaction before adding

“We didn’t tell you this, or any of this for that matter, before cause we didn’t know if you’d be homophobic or what, but some of the Nobodies are going out with each other.” 

Trixie raises her eyebrows (again) and Sharon grins at her.

“Yeah kid. Why do you think Alaska joined the group? Oh and Pearl and Violet have been together for fucking ages now. To be fair though they are gorgeous together- all lovey dovey and shit. Then there Bianca and Adore… I’m not one to gossip so you might want to talk to Dela or Courtney about those two. They should just stop being pussies and make it official if ya ask me. I’ll let them all know that you know and that they can start being their own gay selves again.”

Leaving Trixie bright red and in shock, it was with that the girl stood and walked off, leaving Trixie alone in the courtyard.

The rest of the day seems to go in slow motion. Her thoughts roll by like clouds in the sky and she feels just as blue. Classes went by at a snail's pace, Trixie only surviving because of Pearl's soft encouragements and Bianca snaps when she begins to daydream too much. But dinner did eventually roll around.

There was only Courtney, Dela, Willam, Pearl, Alaska and Bianca at the Nobodies table. They all looked tense. “Hey Trixie. We've heard that it's a bad day, so uh, yeah...” Pearl's words fade out, and Trixie looks behind her to what had caught the girls attention.   
When Trixie's brain processes what she is actually seeing, her stomach drops. Oh god, she thinks she's going to be sick.

Sharon was stumbling towards them, looking as pale as death, her eyes dilated and darting around the room. She falls into her seat next to Alaska, seemingly having trouble keeping herself upright.  
Violet is walking towards them, her shivering so violent that her walk is wonky, hands shaking as she continuously rubs at her eyes, damp from her tears and the water still dripping from her hair. She sits next to Pearl and immediately begins whispering to her, eyes flicking between the other Level Six girls.  
Oh god... Katya is walking towards her, a half hearted smile gracing her features. Her throat is a palette of blues and purples, dark and light red blood caking and cracking on her hands, hair even more spiked and messy than usual.  
She has a hand on Adore's shoulder, leading the shaking girl forward. The poor girl... How could they do this? The large bruises on her temples are so dark they appear nearly black. She is shaking and jerking, full body tremors wrecking through her body. Trixie watches as a drop of blood runs from her nose and drips onto her bottom lip.

Even with Katya supporting her, she still trips and falls, Bianca's arms wrapping around her immediately. 

Horror pools in Trixie stomach, shock numbing her face as tears once more well in her eyes. What had even happened to them? What kind of fucked up torture could leave girls looking like this? This was all her fault. They had been abused and hurt and it was all Trixie’s fault. Pain, they’re all in varying degrees of pain. Fuck, oh shit.

Pearl has covered Violet in her blazer and is whisper soothing words into Violets ear. Pearl’s face drips with concern for not only her Violet but the other girls too, and though in the midst of worry and fear, Trixie feels her heart warm at Pearl’s ability to care and love.

Bianca is holding Adore so close it looks as if she is scared of letting go. She’s wiping the tears and blood from Adore’s face as tremors wreck the younger girls body. Adore is looking up at the girl caring for her with such love and adoration that Trixie has to look away.

Sharon is still deathly pale and she gazes into the distance as Alaska hums a tune that isn’t know to Trixie. Alaska’s fingers cascade through Sharon’s hair, and the spark of happiness that she’d held in earlier days had fizzled out for the time being. 

Twisting to her right, Trixie looks up at Katya. She wants to reach out and hold her. But doesn’t know how her affections will be received. So she says everything she can’t aloud with her eyes.   
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I would do anything to trade places with you, would do anything to have you safe and happy. This is all my fault and I know that and I am so so fucking sorry. If there’s anything I can do say the word and it will be done.  
Honestly, Trixie has no idea if she got any of that, but she hopes so.

It is then that Courtney, with a nervous smile, suggests that they “Have a girls night! Cute pjs, pillows and blankets, sleepover in the library?” Honestly it sounded perfect, but Trixie (voicing her concerns), wonders how they would get into the library, and fuck wouldn't they get caught? All the (not completely out of it) girls smile at Trixie, and Courtney just taps her nose.

 

 

Trixie’s hair was done up beauty queen style, her frilly pj shorts and matching cami top showing more skin then most of Trixie’s usual looks, but she was wanting to look cute tonight. Especially in front of Katya, who had just slipped on a red velvet singlet and shorts. They sat on Katya’s bed while they waited until it was time to sneak round to the library. Katya was talking about a book she had read, Harry Potter, but Trixie wasn’t listening.

Her eyes were watching Katya talk, watching her arms flail, lips move and eyes shine in her excitement. The girl really was beautiful. Trixie can’t help but rest her hand on the others thigh, revelling in the small amount of contact between them, drinking in the touch.

“Trixie! Trixie are you listening?”

Jumping from her haze, Trixie tunes into reality. Katya is smirking at her, eyebrows raised. Her laugh rings like church bells at Trixie’s “W-what?”

“I saiiiiiid, should we go? It’s eleven thirty, all the teachers will be in the staffroom by now.” “Yeah, sure”

With Trixie’s reply Katya hurls herself from the bed, opening their dorm room door with exaggerated movements. Rolling her eyes, Trixie pushes herself from the bed and follows Katya. As they walk down the corridor, Trixie holds Katyta’s hand tight, feeling as if the walls we closing in on her.

The cafeteria is in shadows, pale moonlight dripping silver onto the tables below, illuminating the room. Katya’s hand is warm against Trixie’s (she swears that girl is a furnace), providing comfort in the eery room. 

Above the soft padding of their feet, Trixie whispers out into the darkness  
“So how does Courtney have access into the library?”  
Katya’s smile lights the entire room, chasing away shadows like hounds hunting foxes. “Key. She stole it ages ago. We have these little sleepovers a bit, when things get shitty. They always lift our mood.”

 

The door to the library is already unlocked, Courtney and Willam must have come before them. It was a large room, open and homely. Bookshelves covered all the walls top to bottom, couches and bean bags filled the room and in the corner a pile of pillows, blankets and cushions filled what was possibly the biggest sofa that Trixie had ever seen, made from seperate sofa pieces pushed together. She and Katya add their own blankets to the pile, and it looked so utterly inviting.

Courtney, Willam and Dela were sitting on a couch on the other side of the library, Trixie and Katya not noticing them until they call out. The couple spins around, smiling at their friends. But Trixie feels the familiar knot grow in her throat, and unsure of how comfortable Katya may be, she goes to pull her hand from Katya’s, but the other girl has an iron grip. She’s smiling reassuringly at Trixie, dragging her over to the others. Trixie’s expecting raised eyebrows and pointed questions from the A Dorm girls, but apart from a few questioning looks, they just smile and greet her as usual.

They were talking about dogs when Sharon and Alaska walk in. Sharon had her arm around Alaska’s waist, leaning down and whispering in her ear as they walk. Alaska was carrying more blankets, a blush dusting like freckles across her nose. When Alaska throws the blankets down on the sofa, Sharon spun her to the left, effectively pinning her against the wall. It took about thirty seconds for Trixie to realise that, no, Sharon wasn’t whispering in Alaska’s ear anymore.

Dela was sending rather not subtle looks between the girls sitting around her, Sharon and Alaska, and Trixie. “Uh… Sharon…” Looking up from Alaska’s neck, Sharon’s eyes sweep over the few gathered Nobodies. Rolling her eyes she pulls Alaska towards them, and Trixie can see how happy she is to follow. Sharon was obviously must better than before, now fully alert and awake as usual. 

She stretches like a cat over a near couch, laying Alaska down in front of her.  
“Already told ya Dela, Trixie knows and doesn’t give a shit. We can be as gay as we want again!”  
She’s smiling over to Trixie and Katya, the first of which starting to blush, tightening her hold on Katya’s hand. Sharon is smiling lazily as Alaska brushes hair from her face. With a feline grin, Sharon calls out   
“And with that being said, our professional gossips here, explain to Miss Mattel about the Bianca/Adore situation.”   
With that the mood shifts dramatically, everyone sitting up in interest (well, apart from Sharon and Alaska who were curled into each other, smiling and talking quietly. Oh, and Katya who rolls her eyes and kisses Trixie’s cheek before snuggling into her side). Dela begins, looking around to make sure that their two subjects wouldn’t interrupt. 

“You’ve seen them right? Obviously in love with each other, like seriously either girl would kill for the other. Adore always looks at Bianca in such awe and admiration and Bianca looks at Adore with such devotion and affection. They ground and balance each other so perfectly. I have never seen either one of them so comfortable or happy when not in close proximity.”

Sharon interrupts Dela’s speech with a well timed wolf whistle, causing all girls to roll their eyes and smirk. Willam shakes her head with a small smile and carries on for Dela.

“Without going on forever”  
She snarks, sending a pointed look to Dela  
“Bianca and Adore are pretty much perfect for eachother. They might still just be teenagers, but those two are forever, it’s pretty easy to see. But they’re both pussies.”  
“Willam! They’re not pussies!” 

Courtney turns to Willam with a scandalised expression, throwing her arms up, before turning back to a confusedly smiling Trixie, with a Katya hanging onto her arm, smirking to herself.

“B and Adore are perfect, but they’re both very insecure. Bianca thinks she’s too old, too mean and too level-headed, uptight or some shit. Adore thinks she’s too temperamental, too sensitive, too immature and clingy. But that’s what makes them perfect for eachother!” 

Dela jumps in once more, all three girls sitting on the edge of their seat, looking down at Trixie with bright eyes.

“So they make out,”  
Sharon yells out a muffled “and fuck!” from behind one of Alaska’s hands while the younger girl tells her off. “Well they do…” She gingerly replies. Dela rolls her eyes at the girl, opting to continue her rant.

“ANYWAYS, they, urhm, yeah, and emotionally support the other but they refuse to actually talk about their feelings for eachother! It’s ridiculous!”

“What is?”  
The girls look up and Katya and Trixie twists around to see Bianca and Adore. Bianca looks intimidatingly beautiful. She’s in a long wine red silk slip, her hand on her hip, eyebrows raised, holding Adore close to her left. The younger girl was in a greatly oversized grey hoodie, partially unzipped to reveal a baby blue bralette underneath. She was smiling lazily up at Bianca, and looking at the two, Trixie knows the other girls’s words from before were true. 

Sharon once more has a cat like grin when she shrugs the word “Nothing”. Bianca is looking at Trixie and Katya (the second with her legs now wrapped around Trixie’s torso, resting her head on Trixie’s shoulder). She bites her lip, then nods down at the two, tugging Adore over to a nearby couch and setting the girl in between her legs.

Pearl and Violet showed up quickly after that, Pearl looking flustered with swollen lips. Violet looked most pleased in herself, grinning softly. Her black hair had been curled, and it spirals down over her pink kimono. Both Pearl and Violet look stunning, and their hands clutched together showed what a adorable couple they are.   
With all of the Nobodies arrival, everyone begins wandering off and the Nobodies split into pairs around the library (with the exception of Dela with Willam and Courtney). Katya retracted her legs from around Trixie’s waist and leapt to her long legs. Extending a hand for Trixie to take, she hurls the younger girl to her feet, leading her over to the giant sofa. It hadn’t been made yet, and they quickly set to work, creating a nest that would fit all nine girls. 

 

 

They were snuggled under fifty thousand layers of blankets, Katya making weird faces to make Trixie laugh (it was working). In a moment of silence Trixie glances round the room at her new friends. Pearl and Violet were laughing softly with each other, sitting on a couch cuddling. In the corner behind them was Sharon and Alaska, the second of which straddling Sharon, whispering to her much too quietly. On the other side of the room, to the side of Trixie is Adore, curled up in Bianca’s arms. The older student is smiling down at her, and Trixie can see the devotion for the girl in her eyes. Bianca’s usual quick wit and snark has melted around her, and Trixie feels privileged to be able to witness the vulnerability in the usual tough girl. Willam and Courtney were chatting away loudly enough for Trixie to hear what they are saying, Dela sitting next to them reading a book and putting in her opinion every now and then. 

Looking back to Katya, Trixie feels a rush of affection and warmth in her heart and cheeks. The girl was watching Trixie, watching her observe their friends, watching her mind spin and connect. And she looks so… content? For the first time since coming here, Katya seems unstressed and free.

It was in the middle of their conversation about dogs (continuing the conversation from earlier) when out of nowhere Katya looks up and calls out  
“I’m going out into the woods to scream for awhile, anyone wanna come with?”  
She looks straight at Trixie, a pleading look in her eye- as if Trixie wouldn’t of instantly volunteered anyway. 

Katya’s question is met with a chorus of “fuck off”’s, “you’ll fucking die”’s and “it’s cold as shit”’s. In short, it was only Katya and Trixie sneaking through a miraculously unlocked outside door and into the night. 

Walking through the courtyard, they are quickly winding through the woods. Trixie kept close to Katya’s heels, preferring not to get lost in this sea of midnight trees. It was quiet, but comfortably so. The breeze dancing with leaves the only sound in the night, their breath and footfalls silent. 

The girl next to her is illuminated by the moonlight, a beacon of light in the darkness of the woods. She kept looking to her left, making sure that Trixie hadn’t fallen behind and Trixie knows that she’s falling in love. How couldn’t she? Katya was beautiful, kind and hilarious. She wants nothing more then to take her hand and yell to the world that this girl is amazing.  
But she can’t.   
Katya is abused everyday already. She comes back with blood under her nails, swollen lips from god knows what, bloody noses, black eyes, a purple throat, and horrible burns. Trixie would do anything to be with her, but she’d also do anything to stop Katya’s hurt. Being with her would just make her that much more of a target, and Trixie cannot let that happen.

If only they had their own place. Trixie’s pink dresses mixed up with Katya’s band tees on the floor, the sun shining on them waking them in the morning, no blankets needed because their combined body heat kept them warm. Why can’t they have that? Why must they be in this hellhole?

“K-Katya? Why doesn’t anyone run away?”

She looks over to Trixie, a sad smile gracing her features. She walks closer to her a hand brushing questionly against Trixie’s. Immediately she takes the hand, revelling in the contact. 

“There’s not much point. It’s just wood for miles, the closest town is nearly an hour away. No one could not only escape but make it to some ghost town. Most girls would have nowhere to go anyway. Majority of those in the Levels are sent here for that reason, so their parents are homophobic arseholes who’d just send them right back here.”

She looks up, but the trees block the stars from their view, and when Katya talks, Trixie can hear the revolution.   
“There was one girl that managed it though. Ru.”

Katya pauses, sucking in a breath of cold air. Her eyes are glistening as she looks towards the hidden sky, but Trixie cannot tell if because of the moonlight or tears. They had slowed to a standstill, holding hands in the silence.

“She was in Level Six for three entire years. She escaped the year I arrive, I met her only briefly.”  
Trixie knows her voice is only a whisper when she asks  
“How’d she do it?”  
Katya’s smile is for Trixie’s benefit only, she knows, though it looks like more of a grimace in the dark night.

“She ran away one night. Just ran. Went to the nearest town, managed to hitchhike to the city. There was nothing much the school could do. Either track down the girl and out themselves as child abusers or let her go. That was the year security went up, teachers got cellphones and all that shit.”  
Katya finally looks to Trixie, exhaling. They were so close that Trixie could feel the warm breath dust over her face. Katya’s hands squeeze hers, drawing circles on Trixie’s skin.

“Without getting all mushy she’s kinda seen as a beacon of hope. For girl’s going through the c-conversion therapy. She like reminds us that we’ll get to escape this place one day too, when we graduate.” 

Katya’s face showed utter defeat towards the end of her sentence, and Trixie can see the dread that Katya holds about having to stay here for the rest of the year. Trixie catapults herself into Katya’s arms, making the other girl jump. Her arms tighten around Katya’s neck, and she has to balance on her tiptoes, but Katya’s weary arms steady her, keeping Trixie from falling over.

Trixie suddenly feeling shy, gently releases the older girl. She knows there’s a blush on her face that wasn’t created by makeup, so she strides forward, letting Katya follow her. The forest is still deathly quiet as they walk, silence stretching between them. But it wasn’t awkward, or uncomfortable as it might be with other girls. Trixie always felt home with Katya. Always felt happy, talking or not.

They’d been walking for awhile when they stumbled upon a glade. Well, Trixie assumes they stumbled upon it, but honestly god knows how often Katya came out here. It was a perfect oval clearing, the grass having grown long with the lack of trees, colourful wildflowers filling the clearing with life. With the lack of trees, the light of a billion stars fills the glade. Katya’s skin seems to pull the starlight, illuminating the night. 

Trixie stares, inthralled, as Katya makes for the middle of the clearing, plopping herself down in the knee high grass and flowers. Trixie wishes she had a camera, to capture this moment forever, but feels like that wouldn’t be able to represent the true beauty of the scene anyway. When Katya becomes her over with a wave of her hand, Trixie walks towards her, enjoying the cool breeze on her skin.

The grass and flowers are soft and cold against her legs and midriff, a stark contrast to the violent heat radiating from where Katya had once more taken her hand. The sky is overflowing with stars tonight, thousands upon thousands dancing in Katya’s eyes. None hold the emotion and beauty that Katya’s baby blue eyes do, though. Trixie watches as stars tumble from the sky and get captured in Katya’s hair. She knows she’s looking at a angel. 

Katya’s long nimble fingers pluck a daisy and places it in Trixie’s hair before Trixie even has a chance to comprehend what she was doing. Her ear tingles where Katya’s skin had brushes it, and she cannot help but smile gently while the older girl looks away.

Trixie finds herself subconsciously leaning into Katya, seeking warmth, but couldn’t stop herself from continuing to do so. Hands were warm in her own, Katya leaning into Trixie too, their breath melding together. Cool breeze twirls and dances through their hair. Katya’s lips are smooth and at first heistitent. But as the girl gains courage, Trixie finds herself being softly pushed onto her back in the grass, Katya’s weigh providing comforting pressure.

Trixie pulls back when she feels warm teardrops hitting her face. Katya is above her, looking at her, looking at Trixie like she is the most amazing thing in the world. Like she is beautiful. Like she is everything to her. Heat envelopes in Trixie’s heart, but quickly cools when she realises that Katya is still crying. 

Katya rolls from Trixie’s body, laying on her side in the grass to the left. Fat, individual tears roll down Katya’s cheeks, and Trixie can feel her heart sinking.  
“H-hey, what's wrong? It’s okay, it’s okay. What’s up? I’m-I’m so sor-”

Katya interrupts her, smiling through her tears, shaking her head. She goes to laugh but it morphs into a sob that tears through Trixie’s heart. Trixie is still lying in the cool grass, Katya is too, looking down at her. Her tears glisten in the star light, and as horrible as Trixie feels that Katya is upset, she cannot help but lose her breath at how gorgeous she is. 

When Trixie’s hand goes to brush the tears from Katya’s cheek, she leans into the hand, leaving it cupping her cheek.

“I-I can’t stop it, I’m sorry, Doll, I-”  
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. Just breathe. You don’t have anything to be sorry for, I’ve got you. Just breathe.”

Releasing a shuddering breath, Katya sinks lower into the grass, leaning even more into Trixie’s hand. As her tears fall, Katya lets out some stumbling words. 

“I’m sorry I’m so hard to deal with and I cannot even handle myself and I know I’ll never compare to you because you deserve the entire universe and I’m not even the dimmest star, I’m sorry for smelling like cigarette smoke and staring at you all the time and laughing too loud and having a shaky voice when you tell me beautiful words that aren't made for people like me but please don’t leave me here alone, I feel so insignificant and useless but please let me try to be enough for you.”

Trixie cut her off by lurching forward, flattening Katya against the grass as Trixie holds her tight. Katya is nestled in Trixie’s neck and Trixie has her arms under her body, shielding her from the cold. She’s holding Katya so tightly, she doubt the girl can breathe. 

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova,” (the girl smiles at her name being pronounced correctly, and Trixie feels assured that all her mental recitations of Katya’s name had been worth it) “I’m not going to leave you, I’ll stay right here okay? You’re everything to me. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. You’re ethereal, Katya.”

The sky that had captured their attention earlier above them is beautiful, but it now lays forgotten as Trixie looks at Katya. Realisation hits her, and she finally understands. It’s simple really. Katya holds galaxies inside her, that even the stars envy and try to outshine, although her luminesce is different. It not only lights up the dark but sews light into the darkest of hearts, without Katya even realising it. Her soul is freeing and beautiful it's no wonder the stars want to outshine her. But they can’t.

Katya’s face no longer bared wet tears, instead a shy smile took their place.   
“You deserve the world, and I promise that one day I’ll find out how to give it to you. I’ll steal the world for you. Or I guess I could get it through more legitimate means, if that’d impress you more.”

Trixie couldn’t help but laugh at that, rolling off Katya to on her back next to the older girl. They were both wheezing, the previous seriousness throwing them into hysteria. Katya turns and looks at Trixie, a shit eating grin on her face.  
“On that subject, if I’m a thief, then I’m here to steal your heart.”  
Trixie’s eyes nearly roll to the back of her head, but she still cannot stop smiling.  
“That has got to be the lamest pick up line in existence.” She tells Katya. But the other girl doesn’t seem thrown, and from her position of lying on her back, she shrugs.   
“Well that was only Plan A. Don’t worry we’ve still got Plan B!”  
She can tell this is a set up, but they both know Trixie would play along. Katya’s smile is so bright she wouldn’t dream of doing anything different. The energy had risen again, and Trixie’s heart feels light.  
“So what's Plan B then?”  
“Kidnapping you.”  
The snort that came from Trixie is not something that’d you want the girl that you really really (really) fancy to hear, but that just makes Trixie laugh harder. That of course brought them into a discussion on kidnapping (beginning with the word technicalities and ending with how they themselves would kidnap someone) which lasted probably longer than necessary.

“So much for not getting mushy, huh Doll?”  
They had begun to walk back to school, a cigarette hanging from Katya’s mouth. She’s quiet once more, but this silence isn’t as comfortable as the last time. She seems worried. She turns to Trixie, looks away and turns back to her. This happens about five times before she seems to work up the courage to ask Trixie something. Trixie lets her take the time, knowing that she herself is more comfortable when she has something planned to say. 

“Trixie… what are we? Are we a couple, are we friends? I have to know, I-I can’t not know. It’s dangerous dating someone here, but it’s better then not being sure, it’s better th-”

Trixie silences her with a kiss. She knows she probably should of let Katya finish, but knowing her she wouldn’t of stopped going on. This kiss is fast and sloppy, there's teeth and hurry and it’s so different then all their previous. It’s perfect. 

“Girlfriends. You don’t get a choice about it.”  
Trixie’s joke comes out as a wheeze, breathless after their hurried kiss. But Katya seems to understand, and by god is her smile brighter than any fire on earth. When she finally gets her breath back, Trixie looks up, looking Katya in the eye.

“I’m serious. I’d love to be your girlfriend, I-I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before, I’ve never been so taken with someone before. I’m selfish Katya, and I don’t want anyone else to be with someone as amazing as you.”

 

Sneaking back into the library both girls are taken aback by the warmth of the room. After adjusting to the outside coldness, inside felt like a tropical paradise. Katya made for the giant sofa immediately, pulling Trixie along behind her. They nestled alongside (snoring) Courtney, Willam and Dela, burrowing down into the warm blankets. Looking over to Katya (her girlfriend girlfriend girlfriend), she can see the girl has immediately fallen asleep, even with her hand still in Trixie’s. 

Trixie glances around the room, looking for the other Nobodies that aren’t curled up on the sofa with her. Pearl and Violet were curled up asleep together on another couch, a single blanket covering them, but the they looked warm and content. Sharon and Alaska are nowhere to be seen in the library, making Trixie wonder where they could of went.

Bianca and Adore were- oh!  
Adore was sitting backwards on Bianca’s lap. Topless. While the older girl (somehow lovingly) mauls her throat black and blue. She’s whining softly, sounds that go straight to Trixie’s shorts, bearing her breast to an unseen Trixie, Bianca tweaking and twisting her nipples.   
She feels dirty watching something that obviously wasn’t meant for her eyes, but Trixie cannot look away from the couple. Katya’s hand brushes Trixie’s thigh in her sleep, alerting Trixie to the growing wetness in her frilly pink pajama shorts. Almost at the exact same time, Bianca’s hand disappears down Adore’s panties and Trixie has to turn over, a burning red blush on her cheeks. 

It’s hard to fall asleep after that, Adore’s whimpers and Bianca’s groans filling Trixie’s head, as she tries desperately not to turn back over and watch. But now she has images of herself and Katya burning in her retinas, making her shift and squirm in discomfort. 

 

Day Forty Eight

Awakeness comes slowly for Trixie, as if gaining her senses one by one. First she feels Katya’s silken hair under her chin, then the grazing of the girls nose against her throat and finally the warm sun illuminating Katya’s body, like the moon had the night before. She can feel her heart physically melt. 

Then she notices Dela, Courtney and Willam looking at her with smug faces. 

It’s obvious her rolling eyes were just a ploy to distract the girls from her blush. Katya is shifting in her arms, and a hand once more brushes her inner thigh. No, Trixie was not blushing harder at the memories from last night, thinking about Adore and Bianca replaced with herself and Katya. She wasn’t. Of course not.

She glances over to the couple in question. Adore was wrapped in Bianca’s arms, absolutely covered in love bites, looking up into Bianca’s eyes in total affection, as they talk in hushed tones. 

Katya stirs in her arms, her eyes fluttering open, she flashes Trixie her brightest smile yet. Trixie’s breath is stolen away, and she is left speechless. But as Trixie stares down into Katya’s face, it dissolves into an expression of worry. Putting her at ease Trixie grins back at her, capturing her lips.

A wolf whistle from Willam breaks them apart and Trixie is warmed to see Katya sticking her tongue out at the girl. Katya seemed to be in a really good mood this morning, and that made Trixie happy too. Dela was rushing around the room with Courtney, cleaning and packing everything up, ushering Trixie and Katya from the sofa so they could collect all the blankets. Sharon and Alaska still hadn't appeared.

They were all late for breakfast, but it didn’t matter. Moral was high among the girls, especially when Alaska and Sharon finally made an appearance, a leaf in Alaska’s hair and a bright blush on her cheeks. Trixie was laughing along with the rest of the Nobodies when she notices the hickies that were not completely hidden under Adore’s collar. Alaska wasn’t the only blushing girl at the table anymore.

Their Saturday ticked by, homework taking up their time. The Nobodies were spread out in the courtyard, talking and studying. The sun was warm but the breeze bitter. It was nice. Too safe, and Trixie let down her guard.

She caught Katya’s lips in her own, right when Ms Visage had entered the courtyard. Her look spoke more then any words could, and Trixie followed the lady with her head down.

The Principal's office is cold and all too familiar. He sits in his chair looking all the mighty king, but this was not a man for his people. His scowl reeked of hatred and his eyes were narrow and cold. 

“You’ve been infected. The evil homosexuals have turned you gay. I am disgusted that you have allowed yourself to be seduced into this, Miss Mattel. We had high hopes for you. Ms Visage was coming to tell you to pack your bags and move into A Dorm. But since you are to go into Level One, effective immediately, you will be staying in B Dorm. We will stomp this from you before it becomes worse.”

His words were mismatched and dripping with disgust, and Trixie finds herself cowering from his poison filled words. Honestly, in itself what he was saying is laughable, but the cold hatred that he said them with… not.  
He threw a pin at Trixie, bouncing from her shoulder and onto the carpet below. As she leans down to retrieve it, she examines the pin. It was a black small circular pin with a wooden cross draped with a white cowl, the one that all the Nobodies (expect Dela, Courtney and Willam) wore.

“Wear this at all times. We must be able to identify you as the sinner you are. You are not allowed access into the A Dormitories or A Dorm Common Room for any reason. No pudding, no going home in the holidays and no missing Level One lessons, which will now replace your music lessons. Goodbye Miss Mattel.”

With that she was stared out the office, walking back to her dorm, head held low.

 

Day Forty Nine  
Day Fifty

Her first Monday, to be frank, was hell. While she used to have nice conversations with Shangela in English, the girl took one look at the badge on Trixie’s chest and completely blanked her. In maths, Phi Phi, who she’d never talked to (or even made eye contact with) before called her a “fucking disgusting fag”. Alyssa looked at Trixie like she’d offended her. Her maths teacher marked all her answers with a giant “F” even though Courtney (who had identical answers) got Trixie’s usual “A”. And when in study with Jinkx, Roxxxy ‘accidentally’ foot tripped them, making their papers and books go flying everywhere, leaving them to clean up the mess and get yelled at by the teacher.

Then there were the actual Level One ‘classes’. 

She had to miss her favorite class, music, to take it and she always came out of it feeling frustrated and upset.  
Every lesson started with a talk about how important it is to be a good catholic wife and how these classes will encourage the girls to be straight (but if they dare play up or fail, then off to Level Two you go). Trixie had to sew dresses, cook pies, iron shirts, write about how being gay wasn’t natural and take notes while a teacher talked about why “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” 

Bianca and Pearl were literal lifesavers. Bianca helped her sew and cook and Pearl showed her what to say and write to stay in the teachers good books. They kept her busy in class so she couldn’t get too down, and even helped complete some of her work for her.

 

Day Fifty One  
Day Fifty Two

Today in Level One they were asked to describe home in one word. It was supposed to get them thinking about how they could recreate that feeling in their own home with their future husbands or some shit. But the first word that came to Trixie’s mind was “Katya.” Trixie stayed quiet. People expect you to say a damn place but Trixie felt more home in Katya’s two arms then she ever had in her house. 

It was a long day.

 

Day Fifty Three

The days had been ticking by painfully slow, Trixie finding solace in her friends support. She used to think friends were the people that you can laugh and talk to. But she knows now that friends aren’t that- they’re the people that touch your hearts. People you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, feel safe with. People who don’t judge you or make you change. They’re the people that come into your life and make you see the sun where there was once just clouds. They’re the people that understand what you’re feeling and don’t ask you to feel any other way. 

The Nobodies were true friends.

 

Day Fifty Four

It was after tea on Thursday when Bianca broke down in Trixie’s arms. The Level Six girls had had a tough day, with Adore passed out in Bianca arms since tea. The older girl, having needed a breath, had laid Adore down in Courtney’s lap and stepped outside. Right into Trixie.

She’d immediately broken down, sobbing openly, cursing herself for showing vulnerability in front of Trixie. But everyone trusted Trixie- it was kinda hard not to. They had slid to the floor, Bianca’s back against the wall as she wept into Trixie’s neck.

“She was so full of energy. Bubbly, quick and so so funny. Now she’s so slow and confused all the time.” 

After awhile the usually quick witted, stoney exterior girl took a gasping breath, sitting back against the wall, her hands violently wiping remaining tears from her eyes.

“I’m in love with Adore. I-I’m in love with her. She’s strong but she’s so exhausted. I’m so scared that I’ll lose her, so so scared. I fear nothing. I don’t fear pain, hunger or discomfort. But I am completely and utterly terrified of losing that girl, Trixie. I never know if it’s the last time I will hold her, the last time I will kiss her, the last time I will talk to her. B-because you never think that it’s the last time. You think you have forever but you don’t.”

Her breath is shuddering like there's glass in her lungs. She’s wiping tears with her finger nails, like she’s trying to scratch out her eyes. Suddenly she grips Trixie’s wrists in her hands, looking up at her in fear and desperation.

“You have no idea about the pain that runs through her veins. Neither do I. We never will. Do you know what they do to her Trixie? Everyday? I only found out because one day Adore came back and she was so dazed that she was completely pliant and complaisant in my hands that she would of said or done literally anything! What if someone else found her, they could have her doing anything, oh god…”

Bianca seemed to trail off, a horrified and fearful expression on her face. Her eyes snap back to Trixie in a second and she continues her tearful speech.

“Her voice was completely void of emotion, completely calm when she told me, it was like she wasn’t there at all. She was vacant, a shell of what she used to be.”

Bianca seems to have trouble spitting out her next words. 

“They hook her up to one of those old Electroconvulsive therapy machines, one that's been tampered with so it can give even bigger zap at once and they just give her shock after shock after shock. But she doesn’t have anesthesia, like they would for real patients. They’re just continuously filling her with electricity and to begin with she can feel the pain. A lot of it she can’t remember, but she’s always so terrified before it starts, and she remembers it feels like her muscles are vibrating and burning and-”

She breaks off in another sob, and Trixie cannot help the look of pure disgust and fear that must be painting her face. ECT. The pain, the fear, the- this is fucking disgusting.

“Sometimes Adore comes back with dislocated arms and wrists. They tie her down but her body is flailing around so much. I-I have to pop them back in place, it makes the most sickening sound. I’m so scared Trixie. What if one day they shock her and the seizure is too much and she dies? I-I couldn’t live without her. I couldn’t survive without Adore, Trixie, I couldn’t.”

Bianca is clutching Trixie for dear life, her words coming out broken between sobs, taking her multiple times to say one word. She looks up at Trixie, tears clouding her eyes as she whispers

“I hate that I’m about to say this, like some sappy poet but I look at her and I feel safe. Content. Happy. She remembers the smallest details about me that even I forget. She looks at me like I put the stars in the sky, but thats super fucking ironic because she is a cluster of stardust, a walking explosion of nebulas. It’s like there’s constellations that knot her arteries together. She’s so goddamn heavenly looking at her makes me feel sick but I can’t fucking look away.” 

 

Day Fifty Five

It was 12am when when Trixie snuck down the hall to Bianca and Adore’s room. Katya had been fast asleep when she left, barely stirring when she closed the door behind her. She pauses outside their room, taking a deep breath. The hallway is freezing though and with the familiar darkness closing in on her, Trixie darts inside. 

Bianca and Adore’s room is dark compared to Trixie’s and Katya’s which is always filled with moonlight. Trixie stumbles forward in the pitch black, finding the nearest bed. The layout seemed to be the same.   
Looking down Adore looks ghostly beautiful in the darkness. Her hair is spread across the pillow, lips in a pout even in sleep, her hands crossed lying limp by her sides. She’s standing over her and Trixie’s heart rips in half looking at the girl below her. Fuck she probably looks like a murdering sociopath staring down at Adore like this.

She eases herself to the floor, knocking Adore’s bookshelf/side table on the way down. The girl begins to stir, rolling over towards Trixie. She wants to feel bad about waking her up in the middle of the night but she desperately wants to talk to the girl she now considers one of her closest friends. 

Adore’s glassy eyes flutter open. Immediately upon spotting Trixie fat tears well in her eyes. Shit she probably doesn’t want to see Trixie in her room at the middle of the night she should go shit shi- Adore lunges at Trixie, wrapping her arms around her. She sobs into Trixie neck just like Bianca had earlier. 

Her sobs are silent but her body is shaking violently. Tears are pooling in Trixie’s collarbones and she’s on her knees supporting half of Adore’s weight. Adore’s finger nails are digging into Trixie’s back. Her body vibrates in Trixie’s arms. Her sobs die out slowly. She isn’t letting go.

But that’s okay.

Mumbling from Trixie’s throat makes her look down. Adore’s usually a short girl but with tears covering her cheeks and lips wobbling she looks absolutely tiny. Trixie makes sure her voice is soft and quiet when she asks her what she said. Adore extracts herself from Trixie’s arms, shifting to sit up in her bed. She’s smiling at Trixie but it barely reaches her cheeks nonetheless her eyes. 

“I said I’m thankful you came this year. Don’t know what I’d do without you. Esp-especially with B-Bianca leaving next y-year”

With that tears once more swell and cascade down her cheeks. Trixie climbs onto the bed next to her, holding her hands and drawing shapes on them like Katya does for Trixie when she’s upset. It doesn’t take long for her to stop crying this time though and she is soon pushing words through her teeth like it physically hurts.

“There's so many words and shit but I can’t think of any that can really describe how she makes me feel. Bianca’s good with words, but I’m not. I can never get them in the right order to say what I mean. But I want to be by her side forever. I-it’s like when our lips touch I can taste the next seventy years of my life.”

Adore pulls back and her body slumps against the wall. She looks upto Trixie with doe eyes and for once they seem to be clear.

“She’s like Christmas morning, crimson fireworks, and birthday wishes. She’s a tornado with pretty eyes and a heartbeat. I’d rather listen to her voice then all my favorite songs, or-or like when I first met her it was like listening to a song and knowing that it will always be my favorite.”

Her smile seems mournful.

“She’s leaving next year.”  
Trixie’s heart clenches alongside Adore’s. She understands what Adore’s feeling. Katya was leaving next year too and she could go anywhere. Without Trixie. She can hear her own voice wavering  
“Katya’s leaving too. We can be there for each other, get through it together. I’ll always be here for you Adore, just like you are for me.” 

They move on from the gloomy subject, talking for hours and going from subjects that make them cry together to stories that leave them gasping for breath from laughing as quietly as possible. Every time Bianca moved both girls would fall silent, to then burst into silent laughter once more.

It was when Adore brought up the topic of “looooovvvveeee” as she called it, in a singsong voice that Trixie got nervous. She asked Trixie about any previous boyfriends and crushes but Trixie wouldn’t budge. Adore put a bitten nail to her lips, rolling it between her teeth in thought before she exclaimed like a train had hit her in hushed whispers “Oh my god! You’re in love with Katya!”

The room turned cold, the frosty air nipping at Trixie’s skin. She shuffles restlessly while she thinks of a reply, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Oh god. She’s going to say the wrong thing and it’ll get back to Katya and it’ll ruin everything. Did she love Katya? She thinks about Katya mischievous grin, her twinkling eyes, spindly thin body and her loud personality. Thinking about Katya chased the cold from her bones and alights the room in warmth. 

Looking up, Adore smiles knowingly her eyes for the second time that night clear and understanding before the misty glaze settles over them once more.

“It’s okay. I-I’ve never said this before but… I love Bianca. So it’s okay, I won’t tell her, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Her words are quiet and laced with sadness.  
But then she looks up and smiles, almost shyly.

“I never thought I’d tell anyone that.”  
Lips twitching upwards, Trixie can’t help but smile back. Then she has an armful of Adore, immediately Trixie holds her tightly. Adore looks up at her with her big sparkling eyes.  
“Can we be best friends?” She asks.  
“Of course.”


End file.
